The church we attended before being led to our current church had a short time of testimony/sharing as part of the worship service on Sunday mornings. We had been attending for several years, when I first felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to share something I had learned that week. What?!? Me? It's been a process for me, learning how to discern the still, small voice. I wanted to obey but also was unsure of myself. I remember telling God, "Okay, if you really want me to do this, I'm asking you to please give me some extreme clarity on Sunday morning to confirm what I feel You're asking of me." (Excuse me, pardon me, doubting Thomas coming through...!) :) I headed to church that morning wondering if He'd come through with my little request or if I'd be able to tell/hear His answer. I'll never forget walking through the doors of the church (well, technically it was a gymnasium that we were meeting in at the time) and the very minute I passed through the doors my heart began thumping out of my chest like a racehorse but at the same time I felt a peace. ("Ok, Ok! I know I tend to need blatant responses God, but a heart attack this morning wasn't necessarily what I had in mind...") Over the years though, in the times that I did share, He was faithful in giving me the yay or nay.
Fast forward about 5 years to a spring season where I'm standing again at the front of the church to share what God had laid on my heart. I was in the middle of going through the Bible study "Believing God" by Beth Moore with a group of ladies at church and was excited about all I was learning, but it also included some new refining in my life. I'd leave the Bible study some evenings and cry on the way home (which wasn't a normal, common thing for me) ;) not always sure why, except that God was doing a new work in my heart. I stood up front and shared with my fellow brothers and sisters that I had been feeling much like an onion in the previous weeks as God began peeling some layers off of my heart in a brand new way. For those of you that know of and have learned of the five "love languages" will understand what I'm talking about when I say my receiving love language is "words of affirmation". It lifts me up to hear those who love me give genuine, heartfelt, affirming words to me. Over the years I had been keeping some of the cards and notes of encouragement that friends had given me in my Bible as bookmarks, and also to read when I was feeling down. That week I had felt Him speak to my heart: "I want you to take those notes and cards out of your Bible and read what my word has to say about you." Then, several days later felt the nudge to share this with my church. Um, ok?! This one was shared in faith, my friends. I knew He would reveal what He wanted to teach me in His time, but I felt a little weird just ending it with those words...they felt so...open-ended.
I'll never forget though, how when I said the words out loud up front that day of how He wanted me to read what His word said about me, I had to choke back the tears out of the blue. I almost startled myself actually, by how much emotion hit me. But, I did it. In faith I had shared just what I felt Him asking me to.
Over the next weeks, God continued using that Bible study in a powerful way to prepare me for some big events in the life of my family. Good things. Faith-building events. (And yes, I have a feeling God wants me to share them on here at some point.) :) But, in the course of the next six months, He also lovingly refined me. One of the most difficult, but close-to-Him times in my life.
In the fall of the same year that I voiced I would be taking notes and cards out of my Bible, I was doing my usual weekly cleaning. (Well, it doesn't always happen weekly...but, who's keeping track?...) I have told God at times that I'm thankful that He uses kitchen floors and laundry rooms as holy ground, places where He speaks to us, because as a stay-at-home mom I sure spend a lot of time there. :) My girls were in school, and my son was taking a nap. I don't want it to come across like I live in a constant state of being aware of God's presence and fellowship with Him at all times, because it simply isn't so. But, this particular day I had some worship songs on my mind, and was enjoying His presence while going about my normal cleaning duties. I was mopping. Out of the blue, came a list. Not a pretty list. A list that kind of summed up a season of purifying and emotional ups and downs. A list that humbled me, made tears run down my cheeks, and at the same time gave me a grateful heart. Approximately six months after God asked me to hear what His word said about me came the list. Item after item spelled out in my mind, when I suddenly realized I needed to grab a pen and write them down. And, guess what? Yep, the following Sunday I felt Him ask me to share my list.
I will never understand God's timing. But, I'm learning through my own experiences to trust His ways by faith. To put my hope and trust in the truth that HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.
My list was a list of confession. (Please don't be alarmed. You don't need to cover your child's ears or eyes.) :)
Sharing my list was the most painfully humbling thing I had ever done. But, I did it with Jesus by my side. I did it out of obedience to Him. I reminded my congregation of what I had shared earlier that spring. I also shared with them that I had walked through a difficult time of purifying with Him that year. Then, I shared my list. Before I even finished reading the first item on my list, the tears were streaming down my cheeks. I normally can't talk understandably when I'm crying, but a God-thing happened. I continued talking. (Okay, maybe not with perfect clarity, but I talked none-the-less) :)
1. I am like Haman, with enough pride to hang myself.
2. I am like the people described in John 12 who loved the praises of man more than praise from God. (A-hem! Cards and notes in the Bible...);) Affirmation is not a bad thing, and appreciating it is not a wrong-doing. But, it cannot take first place!
3. I am like the person described in Matthew 10 who loved my own father more than God.
4. I am like the Pharisees who stood on the street corners and saw the faults of others because of the planks in my own eyes. Who said to themselves, "I am SO glad I am not like them." I have learned that my criticisms are always for me FIRST.
5. I am like Leah who desperately sought the love and affection of her husband, but came away feeling empty-handed because she didn't desperately seek the One who loved her most, first.
6. I am like Jonathon because He has now given me a companion and friend after His own heart. (Referring to my husband)
7. I am like the Israelites who when going through the motions regarding God, He said of them, "They profess me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me!"
8. I am like Phillip, to whom Jesus said, "You have been with me this long, and you still do not know Me?!"
9. I am like Saul, who experienced emotional upheaval because of spiritual weakness.
10. I am like Jonah. I told God PLEASE don't make me walk down that aisle again! To which He replied, "The belly of the whale still exists."
11. I am like the Samaritan woman at the well who twisted her story to make herself look better to Jesus, but later said, "Come, meet the man who told me everything I ever did."
12. Above all, I'm excited and grateful to say I stand here now, REDEEMED and free and loved, still.
I wasn't sure really, what to expect when I was done. Would people think differently of me? I had been actively involved in our church for quite some time. Would people think: what a weirdo... I braced myself for a few seconds waiting for the first stone to be thrown. But, I also stood with a peace that passed understanding because I KNEW that Jesus stood beside me. That He loved me in spite of myself and the things my heart had been blinded to about myself. That He did not condemn me, but had set me free.
No stones were thrown. Before I had even finished what I had to say a friend came up and stood beside me. My pastor asked if He could pray for me. People stood, but only to come up and support me while he prayed that God would continue His work in me and that He would bless my life and the gifts He'd given me. That's love, people.
I felt early on that God would like for me to share this list on my blog as one of the first entries. I actually met it with a lot more fear this time. But, I believe in obedience. So, I lay my experiences before you. If it is only to keep me humble, then so be it. If it is only to help one person, then I pray God uses it as He wills. If it is to help people realize that I never want to portray myself as holier-than-thou to anyone as I write, then please see my heart.
Sometimes I think we look ahead to those who are more spiritually mature than we are, and instead of viewing them as still on the __level__ narrow way, we view them on a pedestal. As *higher* than us. It's not so. It's not a ladder of spiritual success to climb, it's a narrow-way journey that we all are walking on. God loves us all the same. Sometimes we look behind us to those that are newer Christians, more immature in Christ than we are, and we view ourselves as several rungs *higher* on a ladder than on the same __level__ narrow way. Jesus came to save sinners. We all sin, of whom I am the worst. *1 Timothy 1:15
I wonder how you feel about confession? Do you just ignore it because all your sins are covered under the blood? Do you fear His condemnation? Do you choose to keep on sinning so that grace may abound? Do you overanalyze your faults all the time in an unhealthy way? Do you reflect on sins that are already confessed and God-forgotton? Do you...?
Confession is such a valuable tool. It reminds us of our need for a Savior, and can rekindle gratitude within us for what He's saved us from. It brings humility, and the grace and God-favor that comes with it. *James 4:6 It makes us decrease, so that He can increase. A good thing. *John 3:30 It makes us more aware of our weaknesses that Satan targets to bring us down, so that we can learn to counterattack with the truth that God has forgiven us and we can live above the enemy's lies. When we are weak, then He is strong. *2 Corinthians 12:9,10 It brings refreshment and cleansing. *Acts 3:19 It opens up greater communication with God. *Psalm 66:18 And, that's a only a few...
This list was not the beginning of confession in my life, nor is it the final cleansing in my life. Yes, I still stumble in these areas at times. But, I have gained much victory over them. I learned how much Christ loves us in spite of our sins. How much He wants us to be free. How much freedom comes with having our eyes opened. It is almost hard for me to describe the simultaneous feelings that were coursing through me the day I received my list. I felt the weight of how the sins of my heart, that remained hidden for the most part from people, grieved and angered the heart of God. *I Samuel 16:7 Yet, at the same time there was NO condemnation from Him. Just intense, but gentle conviction. The enemy, HE'S the accuser. *Revelation 12:10 God convicts in love, then redeems and frees.
I'm wondering if you could use some refreshment. Some cold water in a dry and weary land. Come to the well ~with the Samaritan woman and I. Let Him free you from yourself. I'm reminded to head back there myself and open my heart to His conviction. Let Him take your sins and remember them no more. *Isaiah 43:25 He doesn't keep record. If He did, we'd be doomed goners. Let's be reminded that we serve a take-off-your-sandals-for-the-place-where-you-are-standing-is-holy-ground God. Sometimes in calling Him our bestie, loving companion, we forget to revere and honor and fear (HEALTHY fear) Him. Our above-all-things-holy God forgives. That should bring us to our knees. *Psalm 130:3,4
I'm thankful for fellow Christian companion-sistas. I'm thankful for YOU. Let's stay on the straight, narrow, and LEVEL path He has made for us.
Proverbs 4:26 Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.
Hebrews 12:13 Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Isaiah 26:7 The path of the righteous is level; O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth.
Psalm 26:12 My feet stand on level ground; in the great assembly I will praise the Lord!!
Look with me in His word with confidence and an open heart to what He says about you. He's THE Wonderful Counselor. [*Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path]
You are loved and beautiful to Him!! Let no one tell you otherwise~
Jules
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
[Power to the] She-Warrior
For as long as I can remember I've had quite a bit of tomboy in me. I also had the privilege of growing up around a lot of cousins. Oh man, good times!! I spent quite a bit of time with my brother, and two guy cousins in one particular family. We devoted lots of time to playing have-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat-for-hours cowboys and indians. We'd spend time building our "dwelling" first, then head out to ward off the opposing bad guys. Naturally, being the only girl I was expected to be the homemaker squaw, and it always honked me off. "Noooo...I wanna come with YOU guys!" I mean, there's only so much cooking and cleaning that one can do in a small fort/tepee in one day! :) Occasionally I did stay where I was supposed to, but found ways to create my own drama by calling the boys in because I was being attacked at the homestead!! But, the majority of the time I really wanted to head out to where the action was. Oh, the innocence and simplicity of childhood imagination...you can end the battles whenever you are tired...you can master all the drama and bad guys with ease every single time....
As God girls, we are up against a vicious enemy. One who seeks to devour us and doesn't ever relent.
As a Christian, I think it's pretty cool that God enables the girls to suit-up along with the guys in the battle we face against the enemy of our souls. That He deems us strong and valuable in the fight. That He loves us so much that He gives us every weapon necessary to WIN!
The only problem is...I forget to put the armor on...
I found myself asking God for the last few months to remind me to put it on at all times, to engrain into my heart every piece, and to teach me how to use them. I've known about them for a long, long time. I want them to become a part of every single moment of my days. This past weekend through some circumstances I encountered, I was reminded of the utmost importance of them.
Just some quick thoughts: *Ephesians 6:10-18
1) The Belt of Truth - Have you noticed the Bible mentions the need to buckle the belt? A belt really doesn't do a lot of good if our clothing is too loose and we put it through the belt loops, but leave it hanging in the front! Truth sets us free. *John 8:32 Pull up your big-girl britches and tighten a whole lotta truth around your waist!! The truth that God has already won this battle. The truth that you are LOVED and BEAUTIFUL to Him. The truth about yourself, the good AND bad. When we know our weaknesses, we can bring them to a loving Commander who can give us victory over them and redemption. The enemy is very aware of our weak areas and will relentlessly attack where we are weakest. When we know our weaknesses and can admit them, we become quicker at counter-attacking. Doubting Thomas's need truth. :) (I'll explain more of what I've learned in my own life in this area in the next blog post.)
2) The Breastplate of Righteousness - A breastplate guards a most vital organ: the heart. God's love letter tells us above all things, to guard our heart. *Proverbs 4:23 Our hearts have the responsibility to keep our blood flowing, to give us life. "Righteousness...that gracious gift of God to men whereby all who believe on the Lord Jesus Christ are brought into right relationship with God. Unattainable by obedience to any law, or by any merit of man's own, or any other condition than that of faith in Christ." (Strong's Greek dictionary) When the enemy goes for your heart, tells you that you aren't worthy, do not ever forget that you have life because of Jesus' blood that flows for you!
3) Feet Fitted with Readiness from the Gospel of Peace - Protect your feet. It doesn't say to grab any shoe that you can find. Shoes two sizes too big, too narrow, too heavy, a size too small, don't work for all-day battle. Have your feet fitted. Protect where you allow your feet to go. I have spent energy fighting battles that I don't believe I was ever meant to be a part of. Battles that exhausted me uselessly. I love the words of *Isaiah 30:21: "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" I want to know the voice of peace that leads me into the path set for me, not the path set for someone else. If God is for us, and if we fight in His will, who can be against us!?! *Romans 8:31
4) The Shield of Faith - "with which you can extinguish ALL the flaming arrows of the evil one." Believe. Believe God is who He says He is. Believe. Believe. Believe. And, believe some more!
..."I believe, help Thou my unbelief!"
5) Helmet of Salvation - Protect your mind. With the knowledge of salvation, the deliverance we have from the power and penalty of sin, we are overcomers. Take every thought captive. The Lord is our salvation~ we have no reason to fear! The psalmist understood this, and penned it beautifully in *Psalm 27:1-3.
6) Sword of the Spirit - "which is the word of God." His word has become to me as desperately needed as water in a desert, food to my starving soul. Read, study, memorize. Then, do it all over again. Several years ago God taught me the importance of learning all that I can of Him when times are good. When life is not so stressful. Human tendency is to run to Him for help only when life gets difficult. YES, we learn much in the valleys. I'm not demeaning that. But, when life isn't grabbing our attention and draining our energies we can be more receptive and clear-headed. He asked me to be faithful to learn from Him in the good times so that when the hard times come I've got anchors for my soul. I've got truths hidden in my heart that will help weather the storms. I've got roots that go down deep.
Vital weapons they are. Read them. Maybe print them off in a cute font. Write them on a post-it note or a 3x5 notecard. Place them where you'll see them often. Memorize them.
In it all though, we are human. We are fragile. We get wounded. We make mistakes. We are beaten and bruised. And, we have a refuge. We have a Commander who binds up our wounds, who fights for us when we're exhausted. He is compassionate. A God who knows how we are formed, who remembers that we are dust. *Psalm 103:14.
I have always loved the words of the song from Twila Paris:
The Warrior Is A Child
Chorus:
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and cry for just a while...'cause deep inside this armor...the warrior is a child.
Lately I've been winning battles left and right,
But even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years
But, they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears.
Unafraid because His armor is the best.
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest.
People say that I'm amazing, never face retreat
But, they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet!
We need to be aware that we cannot face this enemy on our own. He is mean, ugly, and powerful. But, we've got THE power. We've got the name of Jesus.
I grew up for about 5-6 years on a culda-sac as the only girl in a neighborhood of boys. Lots of boys, let me tell ya! There was one in particular who could be a bit of a trouble-maker if he had the mind to. I don't remember the details of what he was doing to my bike, but he was simply picking on me by picking on my bike. I was not a very assertive girlie growing up, and was getting quite frustrated!! After trying to get him to STOP, he said something to the effect of, "Well, if I don't stop, what're you going to do about it?" I looked at him and blurted out, "I KNOW JUDO!!" He looked at me, got on his own bike, and pedal pedaled away. No, I didn't know judo. Yes, I lied. Yes, I was desperate to get him off my back. Yes, my brother and I still like to joke about it. Yes, I'm chuckling about it right now.
Sometimes, the only thing it feels like we have the strength to fight back with is to say His name. Jesus. I KNOW JESUS!!! But, there is infinite power in that name. The enemy, he has to flee at the sound of that name. Say it. Say it often. Whisper it. Shout it. His name wins.
Oh, what needless pain we bear; because we don't put the armor on. Whether you wake up today and dress yourself in fine linen...in a volleyball uniform...in a princess dress...in some camo to go hunting with the guys...in scrubs...in a business skirt and jacket...in a hospital gown...in a muumuu...in a little black dress...or stay in your pajamas all day...
Don't. Forget. The Armor.
Don't forget who wins.
In my favorite magazine there are advertisements for the brand Athleta. It always ends in "Power To The She". I like it. Especially when I focus on the One who gives this she her power! Go forward in the confidence that He's got your back.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." *Ephesians 6:12
Suit up!! It's ajungle war zone out there. Let's learn from the Best. "...so His OWN ARM worked salvation for him, and his OWN RIGHTEOUSNESS sustained Him. He put on righteousness as His breastplate, and the helmet of salvation on His head; He put on the garments of vengeance and wrapped Himself in zeal as in a cloak." *Isaiah 59:15-17 I love it. I love Him.
Love to you too,
Jules
As God girls, we are up against a vicious enemy. One who seeks to devour us and doesn't ever relent.
As a Christian, I think it's pretty cool that God enables the girls to suit-up along with the guys in the battle we face against the enemy of our souls. That He deems us strong and valuable in the fight. That He loves us so much that He gives us every weapon necessary to WIN!
The only problem is...I forget to put the armor on...
I found myself asking God for the last few months to remind me to put it on at all times, to engrain into my heart every piece, and to teach me how to use them. I've known about them for a long, long time. I want them to become a part of every single moment of my days. This past weekend through some circumstances I encountered, I was reminded of the utmost importance of them.
Just some quick thoughts: *Ephesians 6:10-18
1) The Belt of Truth - Have you noticed the Bible mentions the need to buckle the belt? A belt really doesn't do a lot of good if our clothing is too loose and we put it through the belt loops, but leave it hanging in the front! Truth sets us free. *John 8:32 Pull up your big-girl britches and tighten a whole lotta truth around your waist!! The truth that God has already won this battle. The truth that you are LOVED and BEAUTIFUL to Him. The truth about yourself, the good AND bad. When we know our weaknesses, we can bring them to a loving Commander who can give us victory over them and redemption. The enemy is very aware of our weak areas and will relentlessly attack where we are weakest. When we know our weaknesses and can admit them, we become quicker at counter-attacking. Doubting Thomas's need truth. :) (I'll explain more of what I've learned in my own life in this area in the next blog post.)
2) The Breastplate of Righteousness - A breastplate guards a most vital organ: the heart. God's love letter tells us above all things, to guard our heart. *Proverbs 4:23 Our hearts have the responsibility to keep our blood flowing, to give us life. "Righteousness...that gracious gift of God to men whereby all who believe on the Lord Jesus Christ are brought into right relationship with God. Unattainable by obedience to any law, or by any merit of man's own, or any other condition than that of faith in Christ." (Strong's Greek dictionary) When the enemy goes for your heart, tells you that you aren't worthy, do not ever forget that you have life because of Jesus' blood that flows for you!
3) Feet Fitted with Readiness from the Gospel of Peace - Protect your feet. It doesn't say to grab any shoe that you can find. Shoes two sizes too big, too narrow, too heavy, a size too small, don't work for all-day battle. Have your feet fitted. Protect where you allow your feet to go. I have spent energy fighting battles that I don't believe I was ever meant to be a part of. Battles that exhausted me uselessly. I love the words of *Isaiah 30:21: "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" I want to know the voice of peace that leads me into the path set for me, not the path set for someone else. If God is for us, and if we fight in His will, who can be against us!?! *Romans 8:31
4) The Shield of Faith - "with which you can extinguish ALL the flaming arrows of the evil one." Believe. Believe God is who He says He is. Believe. Believe. Believe. And, believe some more!
..."I believe, help Thou my unbelief!"
5) Helmet of Salvation - Protect your mind. With the knowledge of salvation, the deliverance we have from the power and penalty of sin, we are overcomers. Take every thought captive. The Lord is our salvation~ we have no reason to fear! The psalmist understood this, and penned it beautifully in *Psalm 27:1-3.
6) Sword of the Spirit - "which is the word of God." His word has become to me as desperately needed as water in a desert, food to my starving soul. Read, study, memorize. Then, do it all over again. Several years ago God taught me the importance of learning all that I can of Him when times are good. When life is not so stressful. Human tendency is to run to Him for help only when life gets difficult. YES, we learn much in the valleys. I'm not demeaning that. But, when life isn't grabbing our attention and draining our energies we can be more receptive and clear-headed. He asked me to be faithful to learn from Him in the good times so that when the hard times come I've got anchors for my soul. I've got truths hidden in my heart that will help weather the storms. I've got roots that go down deep.
Vital weapons they are. Read them. Maybe print them off in a cute font. Write them on a post-it note or a 3x5 notecard. Place them where you'll see them often. Memorize them.
In it all though, we are human. We are fragile. We get wounded. We make mistakes. We are beaten and bruised. And, we have a refuge. We have a Commander who binds up our wounds, who fights for us when we're exhausted. He is compassionate. A God who knows how we are formed, who remembers that we are dust. *Psalm 103:14.
I have always loved the words of the song from Twila Paris:
The Warrior Is A Child
Chorus:
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and cry for just a while...'cause deep inside this armor...the warrior is a child.
Lately I've been winning battles left and right,
But even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years
But, they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears.
Unafraid because His armor is the best.
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest.
People say that I'm amazing, never face retreat
But, they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet!
We need to be aware that we cannot face this enemy on our own. He is mean, ugly, and powerful. But, we've got THE power. We've got the name of Jesus.
I grew up for about 5-6 years on a culda-sac as the only girl in a neighborhood of boys. Lots of boys, let me tell ya! There was one in particular who could be a bit of a trouble-maker if he had the mind to. I don't remember the details of what he was doing to my bike, but he was simply picking on me by picking on my bike. I was not a very assertive girlie growing up, and was getting quite frustrated!! After trying to get him to STOP, he said something to the effect of, "Well, if I don't stop, what're you going to do about it?" I looked at him and blurted out, "I KNOW JUDO!!" He looked at me, got on his own bike, and pedal pedaled away. No, I didn't know judo. Yes, I lied. Yes, I was desperate to get him off my back. Yes, my brother and I still like to joke about it. Yes, I'm chuckling about it right now.
Sometimes, the only thing it feels like we have the strength to fight back with is to say His name. Jesus. I KNOW JESUS!!! But, there is infinite power in that name. The enemy, he has to flee at the sound of that name. Say it. Say it often. Whisper it. Shout it. His name wins.
Oh, what needless pain we bear; because we don't put the armor on. Whether you wake up today and dress yourself in fine linen...in a volleyball uniform...in a princess dress...in some camo to go hunting with the guys...in scrubs...in a business skirt and jacket...in a hospital gown...in a muumuu...in a little black dress...or stay in your pajamas all day...
Don't. Forget. The Armor.
Don't forget who wins.
In my favorite magazine there are advertisements for the brand Athleta. It always ends in "Power To The She". I like it. Especially when I focus on the One who gives this she her power! Go forward in the confidence that He's got your back.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." *Ephesians 6:12
Suit up!! It's a
Love to you too,
Jules
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