it's ok [to cry on thanksgiving]

I already checked. My pants are not on fire.

I commented in my last blog post that my next one would be my journey to hearing the voice of God. I fully intend to spend time writing that this weekend, (to all you liar, liar - name callers out there) :) but I took a little detour today and feel it needs to be shared, if only for my own good to remember some day...

Thanksgiving is my favorite and I do mean FAVORITE  holiday. I've loved it since I was little girl. I had something happen to me this morning that I'm not used to when I wake up on Thanksgiving morning. I woke up with a heavy heart. I'm usually a glass-half-full kinda gal. (at least I think I am? Others may not perceive it that way...) I also had a difficult time keeping from biting my family's heads off this morning out of a hurting heart.

My mother's twin brother is currently being cared for by hospice and most likely only has several weeks to live. In all reality this will be his last Thanksgiving on planet earth. My heart ached this morning both for my mom, and for my aunt and cousins who are facing a future minus a husband and father. My witty, jolly uncle whom my mom has been especially close to in the last several years.

My heart ached this morning that my mom and dad had a Thanksgiving by themselves for the first time in a long time. (They did not request a pity party. I'm not asking anyone to feel guilty for not having them or to feel sorry for them. Okie-dokie? Just a daughter's feelings):)

My mind went to a dinner we were at last week to benefit The Crossing. An AWESOME organization that is changing the lives of troubled school-age teens that have no other hope but drugs, gangs, prison, etc. in their future. What a blessing to see and hear the testimonies of the lives that have been changed. I loved it. But, there were also reminders of the truth that there are many, many more who do not have a home to go to or any sort of family structure to depend on. Many I'm sure who woke up this Thanksgiving morning with bitterness and sarcasm in their hearts when they attempt to think of something to be thankful for. My heart hurt for them.

I headed out to the garage to grab a bag of peas for the dish I was making and was reminded of my neighbor lady and her family who are spending as many weekends as possible with her parents as of late since her father has been diagnosed with cancer. My heart hurt for them.

I attempted to chasten myself out of my mood, but with the glance over to the neighbor's house the tears finally spilled out. You know what? It felt good to cry. I suddenly realized that I felt His hand on my shoulder (not literally, but in His gentle presence that I have come to recognize and thrive on) in recognition that it really is ok to cry on Thanksgiving. To weep with those that weep. To just simply admit that life is not always fair. There is a verse in Proverbs that came to my mind. *Proverbs 14:13 "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief." I found laughter today. In my kids' giggles. In my husband and daughter making fun of my bed head. (Wasn't as funny for me) :P In my cousin-in-law scaring the ba-jeebers out of me when we arrived at Ed's aunt and uncle's house. (There is a bathroom with a window along the side porch into their house. He was in there and shoved the window up with a loud, rawr-ing, growly sound right when I walked by. Almost dropped the cheesecake I was carrying. Paybacks are brutal I tell ya. He better be watching his back...) In the stories that were shared around the table and across the yard at a special 98 year-old lady's house. But, in the midst of the laughter my heart did ache today. It hasn't at every Thanksgiving, nor will it at every Thanksgiving in the future most likely but today was a time to weep for me. It was also a time to laugh. I wonder if when the author of Ecclesiastes wrote chapter three he intended for them to be viewed as separate times? Cause today, two of them collided for me. And it was ok. I found much to be grateful for in the midst of both. (Which, isn't that some of what the first Thanksgiving was all about? Gratitude in the midst of some difficult times?!? Speaking of which, while I was getting ready this morning I decided I would definitely have been one of the "pale faces" at the first Thanksgiving. It's not even December yet, and I'm definitely feeling the summer tan fading away already...*rabbit trail*)

*Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under Heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill (don't be thinking it's ok to murder someone. not what that means!) and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I'm wondering what kind of a day it was for you? What kind of "a time"? Or, if like me you had some "time"s collide?

Today I'm thankful for tears. For tears that help to wash the pain of life away. He did remind me today that His grace is sufficient for those that I am hurting for. *II Corinthians 12:9 That He is close to the broken-hearted. *Psalm 34:18 That He daily is bearing their burdens. *Psalm 68:19 Thank you God that you are omnipresent. *Psalm 46:1 That You are with those that I can't be with in person today. That You are full of hugs in the midst of life. There IS always something to be grateful for in every season, in every "time". Continue opening my eyes to them, God.

My neighbor lady that I mentioned above  - I'm so thankful for my neighbors - sent me this text yesterday:

Thanks...I haven't been looking forward to it [Thanksgiving] out of fear of it being the last [for her father]. Then I decided I better be thankful that we can gather, and future Thanksgivings will be what they will be. No need to not love this one because next year might be different. All the next years might have been different all along.

I just so LOVE that. What healthy perspective.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!! xoxo

It's ok to cry on Thanksgiving,

Jules