You don't know me, but your story is one that I thank God for. It filled my heart with hope and comfort many years ago. Actually, you probably have no idea how many lives have been touched by your story. You may be asking yourself, which story? Well, it's the one in which you heard God calling your name.
You see, I grew up in the church. Similar in a {small} way to you growing up in the tabernacle. Small, because I didn't live there 24/7 like you. Your mom amazes me. Her devotion to God is so challenging and inspiring! Dropping my (most likely) three year old off at the local church to be raised is mind-boggling to me!!! What an example to you it must have been to keep the vows we make to God. *I Samuel 1
Back to growing up in the church: It made me curious at times when I would hear people talk about hearing from God. "The Lord told me..." "I believe God has laid on my heart..." "I believe it's God's will that..." "God asked me to share with you..." I couldn't help but wonder what it sounds like, when you hear from God? How do you know it's really Him? At times I could fully believe that that person was sincere. At other times, one had to wonder...are they tacking those words on for their own agenda?... If I am honest, it is still difficult for me today not to question and to be skeptical of some people's motives in including words and phrases like I mentioned above.
I remember being really blessed by your story as a teenager especially. I serve the same God that you did. God shone a light into your story that gave me peace because I saw Him as a patient God to us when we don't always recognize His voice. When we are still learning to listen to His voice. I can only imagine that the more time you spent in fellowship with Him, the easier it became to recognize and hear Him.
The first time I knew without a doubt that I had heard His voice will forever be burned into my memory. For several years during high school I worked at a restaurant. (Some of this lingo you probably are feeling clueless about. We just need to sit down and talk sometime so I can explain it all.):) My family had just recently moved to a new home that was further out of the city that I grew up in. It took me awhile to get used to the drive. Especially late at night. The restaurant was open until 10:00pm, so most often I wouldn't leave the restaurant until at least 10:30, if not later. My drive home took thirty minutes. Some nights I could really get my imagination going about driving so far out into the "country" with no one around. (Shortly after we moved, there was a rumor that a dead body was found near our location. Rumor info like that didn't do much good for my common senses at 11:00 at night...) There was more than one night that I would be driving close to 90 mph once I got out of town. Oh my, my. :/ Not a recommended antidote for fear for you young-uns that are just starting out with a driver's license. Anyways...one particular night I was {speeding} to the safety of home at around 85 mph. (I was not privileged to grow up with a cell phone. I'm really not that old, times just march on crazy fast!) Clear as a bell I heard these words: "You better slow down, there's deer out here." Not in an audible voice, but yet not something that I had conjured up in my mind. In a matter of 10 seconds these happened in slow mo:
1. Me thinking: "Where did THAT come from?!?"
2. Me thinking: "Am I losing my mind?!?"
3. Me thinking: "I haven't seen a deer since we've moved out here...are there even deer out here?!?"
4. Me thinking: "Such clear words...very convincing...I need to slow down..."
5. Me acting: I stepped on the brake and slowed pretty quickly from driving close to 90 mph down to approximately 55 mph.
6. I drove 55 mph for about a second and BAM! A deer slammed into the driver's side of my car. Scared the livin' daylights out of me. I started getting shaky. I managed to glance back and see the deer keep going. (Probably as shook up as I was)
7. Me thinking: "That was craziness."
But then a big, bright, beaming, light bulb came on in my head. I am not losing my mind! I KNOW where that caution came from! I JUST HEARD GOD SPEAK TO ME! I had a big dent in the side of my car but I could not have been a more excited, happy teeny-bopper!! I would have gladly paid $20,000.00 for repairs in exchange for the experience of hearing His voice. Joy, because He was present with me and spoke to me in the midst of the simple act of driving down the road. (And yes, now you know why I began my letter with "deer" instead of "dear..."):)
I can imagine that you never forgot the first time you heard His voice as well. What I cannot imagine, is the amount of fear you really did feel in the responsibility of the words God gave you to tell Eli. *I Samuel 3:15 And you were just a boy. Oh. My. Word. Maybe it's just me and my confrontation-hating/bad news hating personality, but that must have seemed overwhelming to only imagine how brother Eli might react to the news... The Bible says that you were recognized in ALL of Israel as a true prophet. *I Samuel 3:20 That God did not allow any of your words to fall to the ground and that He was with you. *I Samuel 3:19 It is such a pretty picture to me to imagine His strong and mighty arm defending your words. Continually. Reaching down from on high and catching them in His hand because they were HIS words. His truth. Catching them and defending them so that they would not fall and be trampled by men. He has now given us His very Word in a book called the Bible. A book that will stand forever. *Is. 40:8 *I Peter 1:25 A book that is God-breathed and will not fall to the ground. Ever. God's words with us. YOU Samuel, are in that book! Pretty cool, huh? :)
It would bring me much excitement if you Samuel, were able to present a step-by-step seminar to us today about how to hear the voice of God. Especially with the enemy that we have prowling around deceiving people as an angel of light. :( *II Corinthians 11:14 Boo. on. him. Booooooo. I'd love it if you could share with us first hand your experiences of walking with Him. Your fears and foes. Your joys in fellowship with Him and the sorrows of having to tell people hard words. In my short life, I've learned a few things and I know I will learn a lot more in the years to come, but He's a good God and will be patient with me. I'm praying my heart will stay soft to learn...
MY LESSONS LEARNED: (red light words: stops me from hearing. green light words: clears the carrots out of my ears so that I can hear more clearly!) I'm sure you are impressed with my colored pens, Samuel. Adds a nice touch, doesn't it?!? :D
I forget that He is with me 24/7. Far too many people pass on listening to the voice of God because they believe it is only for the preachers, the missionaries, the "holy people", when in reality He wants just as much attention from you and I as He does from them. He's present when I'm cleaning. He's present when I'm grocery shopping, He's present when I'm cooking and baking. He's present in the exhaustion at the end of a day of running after little kids. He's present at all times and in all things. How differently we would live if we truly, TRULY, believed it. *Psalm 139: 1-12 He can use my trip to the bank to speak to me. He can whisper in the middle of the mall. He walks beside me when I head to a doctor appt. He is present when I don't "feel" Him. Being mindful of this has opened up communication with Him for me far more than just expecting Him to speak when I'm reading my Bible or praying or listening to a sermon.
I'm not willing to hear the hard stuff. You Samuel, indeed know all about hearing hard things. I would be far, far from where I'm at today if I had not been willing to listen to God's voice of conviction. (NOT condemnation. The devil is the accuser.) *Romans 8:1 *Revelation 12:10 If I hadn't been willing to let go of my flesh and it's desires. If I hadn't been willing to DO the hard stuff and live outside my comfort zone. I find it commendable that Eli insisted that Samuel tell him what God had spoken. *I Samuel 3:17 Even though difficult to hear. In his mistakes, he still knew that the words of the Lord are right and true and that even in His judgements He is perfect and impartial. *I Peter 1:17 *Deuteronomy 32:4 Several years ago God called our family away from the church we had attended for 13 years. It was an "Abraham" moment for me, because the church we specifically felt led to we really didn't know much about. But, God laid this church on both my husband and my hearts without the other even knowing. There were other confirmations leading us there that I could not ignore, but it was not easy for me to let go and leave our old church. In the course of my conversation with God one morning (yes, a wrestling kind of conversation) to make a long story short, I basically told God I felt I had better plans and that they included us staying where we were at. That during a time of healing and rebuilding at our church, it would be better for us to stay and help. God's response?? Clear as a bell, the still small voice replied, "_______ does not need you to stay. It is my church, NOT yours. They need Me. Not you." Um, humbling. I gave up my will right then and there. I kind of just wanted to cover my head and wait for the lightening, ya know? But, because of His great love we are NOT consumed. *Lamentations 3:21-23
Staying in His word & testing the spirits. *I John 4:1 God's voice will always match the word of God. It wouldn't work for me to just live by my own moral compass. My heart is deceitful. *Jeremiah 17:9 And, although the Holy Spirit lives in me, for me to decide that I've not enough time in the day to spend time in His word and that I will just move along with the conscience/Holy Spirit within me, I fully believe I'd be believing a lie. We NEED the word of God as our plumb line. To measure truth. To hide in our heart so that the Holy Spirit can use those words to remind, convict, encourage, and teach us. I hope that my hunger and thirst for it will continue to be ravenous and un-quenched within me. And when you and I don't understand parts of it? Ask. Ask. Ask. And, ask some more. There are many times that I have prayed "Open my eyes, that I may see wonderful things from Your law." *Psalm 119:18 Which leads to the next thing I've learned...
I quit trying to listen because His timing isn't my timing. Am I the only one that enjoys the answers right away? Solutions to problems when I want them? Hearing His voice when it's convenient for me? The Holy Spirit has taught me that waiting is just as much of a valuable answer as a yes or no. That waiting produces perseverance. That waiting teaches me to continue relying on Him. That waiting isn't a bad thing. That His timing is perfection, though I don't always understand it. That a command to wait isn't necessarily a command to "let it go."
Holy Spirit driven communication with others (especially in confronting others) is FAR more effective than trying to "change" people on my own. This has been a bumpy journey that has jarred my neck a few times. Confronting others is not an easy thing for me but God has been faithful and patient (far beyond what I deserve) in teaching me it is at times necessary and part of my walk with Him. What did God do to fix my neck that got jarred and jammed? Well, perhaps a comment from my husband approx. seven years ago says it best: He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Wow. You've got you a backbone." Yep. He gave me a backbone that has had to stand up and weather some things I never thought I would. I have learned that when I wait until He has shown me it is time to speak, or time to be silent, and I do it in the power of the Holy Spirit there is much peace and rest for me regardless of how difficult it might be to speak OR be silent OR to be the recipient. I don't believe this is just for those like me that are introverted and dislike confrontation. I have had encouraging and meaningful conversations with friends that don't shy away from conflict that have been taught these same lessons. This past week the disciple Peter was on my mind. Dear Peter that just seemed to do well at spouting out the wrong thing at the wrong time - a lot of the time. :) I can't wait to meet him. :) Anyways, the scene in which Jesus is arrested was running through my brain. *Luke 22 Peter, in his own fleshly way of trying to defend Jesus reaches for his sword and cuts off an ear. The ear of the high priest's servant. *John 18 gives us a name to put with the victim: Malchus. It hit me as I was thinking about this story at how similar the connection is to our own mistakes of defending Jesus without His instruction to do so. The Bible likens the Word of God to a sword. *Hebrews 4:12 How many times have we used the Word of God through our own lens, making it what we want it to be, using it as a legalistic tool to bring others down, and using it to push our own agenda?? HOW UTTERLY IRONIC TO ME it is that we end up "cutting off" the ear of our subject and in turn make so THEY CAN'T EVEN HEAR WHAT WE'RE SAYING ANYWAYS. Ouch.
Please don't misunderstand me. The Word of God WILL be offensive because of our sinful nature, yes. And, there will be many who say they want nothing to do with it. Many who believe the words of the age-old serpent, "Did God reeeeeaaaallyy say...??" *Genesis 3:1 Many who will twist the Bible to make it more palatable. But when we shove it in people's faces without His guidance...well, it just isn't pretty. Likewise, if I'm not willing to follow through in confronting others when I feel Him asking me to...well, it isn't pretty. I wish we knew the end of the story for Malchus. Whether or not the gentle touch of Jesus *Luke 22:51 and the love in His eyes changed his heart and life....like the Spirit did in the life of abrupt and outspoken Peter...
Dear Heavenly Father, right now I pray for Your touch anew so that I may know when to speak and when to be silent, when to listen to the counsel of others who are speaking in love and the wisdom to know when words are not from You. May I please You, and not man. Amen.
Don't ignore the tears. I have learned to pay attention to unexpected tears and the tears that come when I feel Him speaking to me and feel Him close to me. When I was going through a Beth Moore Bible Study years ago, several times I would leave the study and cry on the way home. I wasn't always even sure why, but knew that the Holy Spirit was beginning a new work in me. It wasn't until later in the year that I began to understand that He was preparing me for events that happened later in the year. If I would have chosen to tell myself that I was overreacting or that I was "just emotional" on those rides home, I would have missed out on God growing me in new ways. Tears can cleanse us. Wash us clean. Show the repentance that is felt in our hearts. We don't need to feel embarrassment over purifying tears.
So much is different Samuel, from when you were alive. But, a lot has remained the same, including hearing God's voice. I'm thankful that the One who is doing a new thing *Isaiah 43:19 can still remain the same yesterday, today, and forever. *Hebrews 13:8 On the eve of a brand new year, I look ahead and I say lead me on God. Lead me in Your truth. Through the still small voice. Through the words of other believers. Through the Heavens declaring Your glory. Through my tears. Through Your words written in my Bible. May my motives be pure in listening for You. May my words be pure when I begin my sharing with, "God has laid on my heart..." Thank you that Your words do not fall to the ground.
Through the stories like yours, Samuel. May I stop at the red lights. May I go boldly through the green lights. May I remain cautious at the yellow lights of testing the spirits. And, may I accept His grace and forgiveness when I miss His voice or misuse my sword.
Speak Lord, for your servant is listening,
Jules
p.s. to the peeps reading this: I checked again. My pants are STILL not on fire! I really did spend time writing this post that weekend that I said I was going to. I did for two hours and only got about half-ways through. Then, busyness took over. But, after about four months of having this draft on my computer, it is done. :) Happy New Year to you all!
