What was going to be a simple Facebook status morphed into feeling God pushing me one step further to take the time to write more of the story out...
Last Sunday we had a night of prayer and worship at church that our small group attended together. I walked in feeling overwhelmed - and not in a good way. Life was overwhelming me in a couple of different areas - the details I don't believe are for sharing this time. Just know I was overwhelmed. There was a time during that night for personal reflection and if you're like me sometimes there is so much going on in your head that you wonder if you can stop what's going on in there long enough to even start to put together some thoughts to reflect on to even know where to start to "reflect" and pray. Good gravy - all I could manage was "You know where I'm at and what I'm feeling - help. Just help." I don't always hear an answer, I don't always hear the whisper. But that night I did. The still, small voice said, "Lift up your head." That made me cry. It made me cry in part because whenever He speaks it's so incredibly peace giving and also because 1) I had been letting my circumstances discourage me and 2) I hadn't been diligent in spending time with and talking to Him about everything and was feeling guilty about that. In the way that only God can speak, His words were both comforting and convicting.
Comforting: You're forgiven. No need to hang your head. *Hebrews 4: 14-16 (Those with sensitive consciences who can be pretty hard on yourself get me most here probably. Those verses from Hebrews are SO challenging and comforting)
Convicting: Stop walking around allowing yourself to feel defeated. You're feeding off of emotions and perceptions that haven't been filtered through My Truth.
All day Monday and more and more the rest of the week the following verse - that became my heart's cry/prayer written below - as well as the words from a hymn ran through my mind:
"O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee..."
Psalm 61:2b KJV
...when
Not "if". Because You know me (us) so well - do You not? You know that I cannot live perfectly and therefore will succumb to feeling overwhelmed. It can strike at any age or stage. In Your goodness, I think You allowed us to feel this emotion/feeling because by feeling it I have a choice. I can run around trying to fix what's overwhelming me, I can stick my head in the sand and try to ignore it all, or I can pause and remind myself Who's really in control here and Who has perfect perspective.
my heart is overwhelmed
You know what's got me feeling overwhelmed at the moment. The kind of overwhelmed that ends with a negative tone. It doesn't have to be dire and negative situations all the time. Sometimes it can be a good and permissible thing that's gotten out of control and I've become so focused on it it's become an idol and I'm not sure I can do without it.
lead me
Because You don't force, nor coerce us like robots. When I've looked around at the wind and the waves too long in the hard times or looked at the pretty, glittering, shiny things too long in the good times instead of staying focused on You, and I'm overwhelmed by where I am or what I'm going through, You don't come looking for Your sheep, grab me by the hand and pull and yank me in the right direction. The chances of me having an attitude of surrender if You did probably wouldn't be very high. In love, You're faithful to discipline me, yes. *Proverbs 3: 11-12 But You don't force me. There is something in me that knows that holding out my hand in surrender and asking/pleading "Please take hold of my hand and lead me" is so much more healthy and will produce much more fruit than a God who yanks and pulls me around. And so I pause. I deliberately pause, hold out my hand, and beg You to lead me.
Because You NEVER get overwhelmed. You're mighty, strong, and You see all things, and You don't get overwhelmed. I need that kind of steady in my life. When I'm overwhelmed I don't think very rationally or level-headed, I overthink things and more easily perceive things that aren't reality about people or circumstances.
to the rock
Because I need You first before anyone else. While many times You use people to speak truth to us and help us along, whether it's a close friend or a godly Bible teacher - those are good choices - I know my first choice needs to be You.
And lead me to the Rock, because while green pastures and quiet waters are needed sometimes *Psalm 23 and sometimes a tower of refuge is needed *Psalm 61:3 *Proverbs 18:10 and other times I find refuge under Your wings *Psalm 36:7 *Psalm 61:4 (You have so many ways of sustaining and refreshing us), You know that when I'm feeling overwhelmed it's most often because I'm feeling unsure, shaky, and unsteady because I feel like things are getting out of control, all happening at once, or moving to quickly. (Whether we've brought them on ourselves, or life has simply handed us trouble. *John 16:33) You know I need a firm place to rest. Some solid footing underneath me. I need Your not-overwhelmed perspective. My circumstances may not change immediately, but there's something about standing on something immoveable and solid when everything around me is shaking and moving that gives me the peace and strength I believe You intended for us. Dare I say if I'm feeling overwhelmed I've most likely climbed down off The Rock for too long?!?
that is higher than I
Because when I've become overwhelmed, I have something in front of me that feels bigger than what I can handle. When I'm looking at a mountain in front of me that's got me feeling overwhelmed and I turn to my place of refuge in God my Rock - I need to be reminded that You are not a God who can be picked up, manipulated, or thrown around. You are a huge expanse of a Rock that does not change *Malachi 3:6, that is unshakeable and immovable and that is much stronger than me. While there are rocks that are shorter and smaller than me that I can't move - there is something about coming to The Rock for help and having to look up to even be able to see the top - that strengthens me. [[I believe the Psalmist wanted us to picture the Rock that way as well. When I looked up the word in Strong's Concordance several definitions caught my eye: 1) Tsur means rocky wall or cliff 3b) The rock (or mountain) serves as a figure of security *Psalm 61:2 firmness *Job 14:18 and something that endures *Job 19:24]]
And then, You invite me to the top of the Rock. You've still got my hand from leading me here, and you take my hands now and place them into two crevices above me as You help me step my feet into two crevices in front of me to start the climb. As I reach up higher and my feet find the next steps up I'm filled with hope and confidence again because You're leading me. And as I take each step, I walk away from my enemy and I trample on and leave behind my fears, my un-level-headed thoughts, my doubts, my insecurities, my inadequacies, etc. that have got me feeling overwhelmed, because my focus is on The Rock. My focus is where it should be. Jesus, keep me focused on The Rock and looking up until I reach the top. Where the ground stops shifting and although I look around and see that my circumstances might be the same I realize that I am secure and firm with You. You'll get me through.
This verse has been a head lifter for me this past week. The more that I used the words as a heart's cry though, I found myself also praying, "Help me to LIVE THIS. To not just be a hearer of the Word and have the knowledge, but a DOER". To not just rejoice in the encouraging word pictures You've given me, but for crying out loud to be ACTIVE in guarding my heart *Proverbs 4:23 like You've asked me to so I can live un-overwhelmed (surely that's a word) as I make decisions and process life and seek Your will. I'm so thankful that the God of the universe in all of His glory and splendor and holiness is willing to work with us in such practical ways. With His hand in mine, I'm moving in the right direction.
Tonight I realized at 10:30 that we still had a movie that was supposed to be returned to the video store by 11:00. I decided that running to town was worth it instead of paying a late fee. I was feeling filled up and refreshed after meeting with our small group tonight and the air was so nice and cool so I opened up our sunroof and decided I would play Chain Breaker by Zach Williams.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGYjKR69M6U
There's a bridge where he says:
If you believe it
If you receive it
If you can feel it
Somebody testify
I came up on an intersection as he was singing that particular part of the song. I stopped at the stop sign and with no cars behind me, in front of me, and glancing both ways didn't see anyone coming from either direction, I had me a little moment with my God. I closed my eyes, and raised my arm up through the open roof of my car to testify. Satan has a way of hinting that it's a little silly and dorky to be doing something like that in the dark of night at an intersection - and I almost fell for it, but then in an act of defiance I raised my hand a little higher and pointed up to my Rock because He's worthy.
I opened my eyes just in time to look to my right and see a car coming up on the intersection. Uhhhh, apparently I had my little moment longer than I thought ?!? because I had seen no headlights at all when I pulled up and checked both ways. So here I am, sitting at an intersection, in the dark, yeah, just sitting there, with my hand up out of the roof, pointing to the sky, with headlights shining on me. I may or may not have blushed in my car, sitting at the intersection, in the dark, with my hand raised out of the sunroof, pointing at the sky, with headlights shining on me...
I decided to go ahead and cross the intersection then. And then, the embarrassment left and I got some major giggles at the whole scenario. About what those people might have wondered if they did see me.
If that was you, I'd want you to know I was pointing to my Rock.
Lift up your head friend,
Jules
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