Deer Little Samuel, [red light. green light, go!]

You don't know me, but your story is one that I thank God for. It filled my heart with hope and comfort many years ago. Actually, you probably have no idea how many lives have been touched by your story. You may be asking yourself, which story? Well, it's the one in which you heard God calling your name.

You see, I grew up in the church. Similar in a {small} way to you growing up in the tabernacle. Small, because I didn't live there 24/7 like you. Your mom amazes me. Her devotion to God is so challenging and inspiring! Dropping my (most likely) three year old off at the local church to be raised is mind-boggling to me!!! What an example to you it must have been to keep the vows we make to God. *I Samuel 1

Back to growing up in the church: It made me curious at times when I would hear people talk about hearing from God. "The Lord told me..." "I believe God has laid on my heart..." "I believe it's God's will that..." "God asked me to share with you..." I couldn't help but wonder what it sounds like, when you hear from God? How do you know it's really Him? At times I could fully believe that that person was sincere. At other times, one had to wonder...are they tacking those words on for their own agenda?... If I am honest, it is still difficult for me today not to question and to be skeptical of some people's motives in including words and phrases like I mentioned above.

I remember being really blessed by your story as a teenager especially. I serve the same God that you did. God shone a light into your story that gave me peace because I saw Him as a patient God to us when we don't always recognize His voice. When we are still learning to listen to His voice. I can only imagine that the more time you spent in fellowship with Him, the easier it became to recognize and hear Him.

The first time I knew without a doubt that I had heard His voice will forever be burned into my memory. For several years during high school I worked at a restaurant. (Some of this lingo you probably are feeling clueless about. We just need to sit down and talk sometime so I can explain it all.):) My family had just recently moved to a new home that was further out of the city that I grew up in. It took me awhile to get used to the drive. Especially late at night. The restaurant was open until 10:00pm, so most often I wouldn't leave the restaurant until at least 10:30, if not later. My drive home took thirty minutes. Some nights I could really get my imagination going about driving so far out into the "country" with no one around. (Shortly after we moved, there was a rumor that a dead body was found near our location. Rumor info like that didn't do much good for my common senses at 11:00 at night...) There was more than one night that I would be driving close to 90 mph once I got out of town. Oh my, my. :/ Not a recommended antidote for fear for you young-uns that are just starting out with a driver's license. Anyways...one particular night I was {speeding} to the safety of home at around 85 mph. (I was not privileged to grow up with a cell phone. I'm really not that old, times just march on crazy fast!) Clear as a bell I heard these words: "You better slow down, there's deer out here." Not in an audible voice, but yet not something that I had conjured up in my mind. In a matter of 10 seconds these happened in slow mo:

1. Me thinking: "Where did THAT come from?!?"
2. Me thinking: "Am I losing my mind?!?"
3. Me thinking: "I haven't seen a deer since we've moved out here...are there even deer out here?!?"
4. Me thinking: "Such clear words...very convincing...I need to slow down..."
5. Me acting: I stepped on the brake and slowed pretty quickly from driving close to 90 mph down to approximately 55 mph.
6. I drove 55 mph for about a second and BAM! A deer slammed into the driver's side of my car. Scared the livin' daylights out of me. I started getting shaky. I managed to glance back and see the deer keep going. (Probably as shook up as I was)
7. Me thinking: "That was craziness."

But then a big, bright, beaming, light bulb came on in my head. I am not losing my mind! I KNOW where that caution came from! I JUST HEARD GOD SPEAK TO ME! I had a big dent in the side of my car but I could not have been a more excited, happy teeny-bopper!! I would have gladly paid $20,000.00 for repairs in exchange for the experience of hearing His voice. Joy, because He was present with me and spoke to me in the midst of the simple act of driving down the road. (And yes, now you know why I began my letter with "deer" instead of "dear..."):)

I can imagine that you never forgot the first time you heard His voice as well. What I cannot imagine, is the amount of fear you really did feel in the responsibility of the words God gave you to tell Eli. *I Samuel 3:15 And you were just a boy. Oh. My. Word. Maybe it's just me and my confrontation-hating/bad news hating personality, but that must have seemed overwhelming to only imagine how brother Eli might react to the news... The Bible says that you were recognized in ALL of Israel as a true prophet. *I Samuel 3:20 That God did not allow any of your words to fall to the ground and that He was with you. *I Samuel 3:19 It is such a pretty picture to me to imagine His strong and mighty arm defending your words. Continually. Reaching down from on high and catching them in His hand because they were HIS words. His truth. Catching them and defending them so that they would not fall and be trampled by men. He has now given us His very Word in a book called the Bible. A book that will stand forever. *Is. 40:8 *I Peter 1:25 A book that is God-breathed and will not fall to the ground. Ever. God's words with us. YOU Samuel, are in that book! Pretty cool, huh? :)

It would bring me much excitement if you Samuel, were able to present a step-by-step seminar to us today about how to hear the voice of God. Especially with the enemy that we have prowling around deceiving people as an angel of light. :( *II Corinthians 11:14 Boo. on. him. Booooooo. I'd love it if you could share with us first hand your experiences of walking with Him. Your fears and foes. Your joys in fellowship with Him and the sorrows of having to tell people hard words. In my short life, I've learned a few things and I know I will learn a lot more in the years to come, but He's a good God and will be patient with me. I'm praying my heart will stay soft to learn...

MY LESSONS LEARNED: (red light words: stops me from hearing. green light words: clears the carrots out of my ears so that I can hear more clearly!) I'm sure you are impressed with my colored pens, Samuel. Adds a nice touch, doesn't it?!? :D

I forget that He is with me 24/7. Far too many people pass on listening to the voice of God because they believe it is only for the preachers, the missionaries, the "holy people", when in reality He wants just as much attention from you and I as He does from them. He's present when I'm cleaning. He's present when I'm grocery shopping, He's present when I'm cooking and baking. He's present in the exhaustion at the end of a day of running after little kids. He's present at all times and in all things. How differently we would live if we truly, TRULY, believed it. *Psalm 139: 1-12  He can use my trip to the bank to speak to me. He can whisper in the middle of the mall. He walks beside me when I head to a doctor appt. He is present when I don't "feel" Him. Being mindful of this has opened up communication with Him for me far more than just expecting Him to speak when I'm reading my Bible or praying or listening to a sermon.

I'm not willing to hear the hard stuff. You Samuel, indeed know all about hearing hard things. I would be far, far from where I'm at today if I had not been willing to listen to God's voice of conviction. (NOT condemnation. The devil is the accuser.) *Romans 8:1 *Revelation 12:10 If I hadn't been willing to let go of my flesh and it's desires. If I hadn't been willing to DO the hard stuff and live outside my comfort zone. I find it commendable that Eli insisted that Samuel tell him what God had spoken. *I Samuel 3:17 Even though difficult to hear. In his mistakes, he still knew that the words of the Lord are right and true and that even in His judgements He is perfect and impartial. *I Peter 1:17 *Deuteronomy 32:4 Several years ago God called our family away from the church we had attended for 13 years. It was an "Abraham" moment for me, because the church we specifically felt led to we really didn't know much about. But, God laid this church on both my husband and my hearts without the other even knowing. There were other confirmations leading us there that I could not ignore, but it was not easy for me to let go and leave our old church. In the course of my conversation with God one morning (yes, a wrestling kind of conversation) to make a long story short, I basically told God I felt I had better plans and that they included us staying where we were at. That during a time of healing and rebuilding at our church, it would be better for us to stay and help. God's response?? Clear as a bell, the still small voice replied, "_______ does not need you to stay. It is my church, NOT yours. They need Me. Not you." Um, humbling. I gave up my will right then and there. I kind of just wanted to cover my head and wait for the lightening, ya know? But, because of His great love we are NOT consumed. *Lamentations 3:21-23

Staying in His word & testing the spirits. *I John 4:1 God's voice will always match the word of God. It wouldn't work for me to just live by my own moral compass. My heart is deceitful. *Jeremiah 17:9 And, although the Holy Spirit lives in me, for me to decide that I've not enough time in the day to spend time in His word and that I will just move along with the conscience/Holy Spirit within me, I fully believe I'd be believing a lie. We NEED the word of God as our plumb line. To measure truth. To hide in our heart so that the Holy Spirit can use those words to remind, convict, encourage, and teach us. I hope that my hunger and thirst for it will continue to be ravenous and un-quenched within me. And when you and I don't understand parts of it? Ask. Ask. Ask. And, ask some more. There are many times that I have prayed "Open my eyes, that I may see wonderful things from Your law." *Psalm 119:18 Which leads to the next thing I've learned...

I quit trying to listen because His timing isn't my timing. Am I the only one that enjoys the answers right away? Solutions to problems when I want them? Hearing His voice when it's convenient for me? The Holy Spirit has taught me that waiting is just as much of a valuable answer as a yes or no. That waiting produces perseverance. That waiting teaches me to continue relying on Him. That waiting isn't a bad thing. That His timing is perfection, though I don't always understand it. That a command to wait isn't necessarily a command to "let it go."

Holy Spirit driven communication with others (especially in confronting others) is FAR more effective than trying to "change" people on my own. This has been a bumpy journey that has jarred my neck a few times. Confronting others is not an easy thing for me but God has been faithful and patient (far beyond what I deserve) in teaching me it is at times necessary and part of my walk with Him. What did God do to fix my neck that got jarred and jammed? Well, perhaps a comment from my husband approx. seven years ago says it best: He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Wow. You've got you a backbone." Yep. He gave me a backbone that has had to stand up and weather some things I never thought I would. I have learned that when I wait until He has shown me it is time to speak, or time to be silent, and I do it in the power of the Holy Spirit there is much peace and rest for me regardless of how difficult it might be to speak OR be silent OR to be the recipient. I don't believe this is just for those like me that are introverted and dislike confrontation. I have had encouraging and meaningful conversations with friends that don't shy away from conflict that have been taught these same lessons. This past week the disciple Peter was on my mind. Dear Peter that just seemed to do well at spouting out the wrong thing at the wrong time - a lot of the time. :) I can't wait to meet him. :) Anyways, the scene in which Jesus is arrested was running through my brain. *Luke 22 Peter, in his own fleshly way of trying to defend Jesus reaches for his sword and cuts off an ear. The ear of the high priest's servant. *John 18 gives us a name to put with the victim: Malchus. It hit me as I was thinking about this story at how similar the connection is to our own mistakes of defending Jesus without His instruction to do so. The Bible likens the Word of God to a sword. *Hebrews 4:12 How many times have we used the Word of God through our own lens, making it what we want it to be, using it as a legalistic tool to bring others down, and using it to push our own agenda?? HOW UTTERLY IRONIC TO ME it is that we end up "cutting off" the ear of our subject and in turn make so THEY CAN'T EVEN HEAR WHAT WE'RE SAYING ANYWAYS. Ouch.
Please don't misunderstand me. The Word of God WILL be offensive because of our sinful nature, yes. And, there will be many who say they want nothing to do with it. Many who believe the words of the age-old serpent, "Did God reeeeeaaaallyy say...??" *Genesis 3:1 Many who will twist the Bible to make it more palatable. But when we shove it in people's faces without His guidance...well, it just isn't pretty. Likewise, if I'm not willing to follow through in confronting others when I feel Him asking me to...well, it isn't pretty. I wish we knew the end of the story for Malchus. Whether or not the gentle touch of Jesus *Luke 22:51 and the love in His eyes changed his heart and life....like the Spirit did in the life of abrupt and outspoken Peter...
Dear Heavenly Father, right now I pray for Your touch anew so that I may know when to speak and when to be silent, when to listen to the counsel of others who are speaking in love and the wisdom to know when words are not from You. May I please You, and not man. Amen.

Don't ignore the tears. I have learned to pay attention to unexpected tears and the tears that come when I feel Him speaking to me and feel Him close to me. When I was going through a Beth Moore Bible Study years ago, several times I would leave the study and cry on the way home. I wasn't always even sure why, but knew that the Holy Spirit was beginning a new work in me. It wasn't until later in the year that I began to understand that He was preparing me for events that happened later in the year. If I would have chosen to tell myself that I was overreacting or that I was "just emotional" on those rides home, I would have missed out on God growing me in new ways. Tears can cleanse us. Wash us clean. Show the repentance that is felt in our hearts. We don't need to feel embarrassment over purifying tears.

So much is different Samuel, from when you were alive. But, a lot has remained the same, including hearing God's voice. I'm thankful that the One who is doing a new thing *Isaiah 43:19 can still remain the same yesterday, today, and forever. *Hebrews 13:8 On the eve of a brand new year, I look ahead and I say lead me on God. Lead me in Your truth. Through the still small voice. Through the words of other believers. Through the Heavens declaring Your glory. Through my tears. Through Your words written in my Bible. May my motives be pure in listening for You. May my words be pure when I begin my sharing with, "God has laid on my heart..." Thank you that Your words do not fall to the ground.

Through the stories like yours, Samuel. May I stop at the red lights. May I go boldly through the green lights. May I remain cautious at the yellow lights of testing the spirits. And, may I accept His grace and forgiveness when I miss His voice or misuse my sword.

Speak Lord, for your servant is listening,

Jules

p.s. to the peeps reading this: I checked again. My pants are STILL not on fire! I really did spend time writing this post that weekend that I said I was going to. I did for two hours and only got about half-ways through. Then, busyness took over. But, after about four months of having this draft on my computer, it is done. :) Happy New Year to you all!

it's ok [to cry on thanksgiving]

I already checked. My pants are not on fire.

I commented in my last blog post that my next one would be my journey to hearing the voice of God. I fully intend to spend time writing that this weekend, (to all you liar, liar - name callers out there) :) but I took a little detour today and feel it needs to be shared, if only for my own good to remember some day...

Thanksgiving is my favorite and I do mean FAVORITE  holiday. I've loved it since I was little girl. I had something happen to me this morning that I'm not used to when I wake up on Thanksgiving morning. I woke up with a heavy heart. I'm usually a glass-half-full kinda gal. (at least I think I am? Others may not perceive it that way...) I also had a difficult time keeping from biting my family's heads off this morning out of a hurting heart.

My mother's twin brother is currently being cared for by hospice and most likely only has several weeks to live. In all reality this will be his last Thanksgiving on planet earth. My heart ached this morning both for my mom, and for my aunt and cousins who are facing a future minus a husband and father. My witty, jolly uncle whom my mom has been especially close to in the last several years.

My heart ached this morning that my mom and dad had a Thanksgiving by themselves for the first time in a long time. (They did not request a pity party. I'm not asking anyone to feel guilty for not having them or to feel sorry for them. Okie-dokie? Just a daughter's feelings):)

My mind went to a dinner we were at last week to benefit The Crossing. An AWESOME organization that is changing the lives of troubled school-age teens that have no other hope but drugs, gangs, prison, etc. in their future. What a blessing to see and hear the testimonies of the lives that have been changed. I loved it. But, there were also reminders of the truth that there are many, many more who do not have a home to go to or any sort of family structure to depend on. Many I'm sure who woke up this Thanksgiving morning with bitterness and sarcasm in their hearts when they attempt to think of something to be thankful for. My heart hurt for them.

I headed out to the garage to grab a bag of peas for the dish I was making and was reminded of my neighbor lady and her family who are spending as many weekends as possible with her parents as of late since her father has been diagnosed with cancer. My heart hurt for them.

I attempted to chasten myself out of my mood, but with the glance over to the neighbor's house the tears finally spilled out. You know what? It felt good to cry. I suddenly realized that I felt His hand on my shoulder (not literally, but in His gentle presence that I have come to recognize and thrive on) in recognition that it really is ok to cry on Thanksgiving. To weep with those that weep. To just simply admit that life is not always fair. There is a verse in Proverbs that came to my mind. *Proverbs 14:13 "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief." I found laughter today. In my kids' giggles. In my husband and daughter making fun of my bed head. (Wasn't as funny for me) :P In my cousin-in-law scaring the ba-jeebers out of me when we arrived at Ed's aunt and uncle's house. (There is a bathroom with a window along the side porch into their house. He was in there and shoved the window up with a loud, rawr-ing, growly sound right when I walked by. Almost dropped the cheesecake I was carrying. Paybacks are brutal I tell ya. He better be watching his back...) In the stories that were shared around the table and across the yard at a special 98 year-old lady's house. But, in the midst of the laughter my heart did ache today. It hasn't at every Thanksgiving, nor will it at every Thanksgiving in the future most likely but today was a time to weep for me. It was also a time to laugh. I wonder if when the author of Ecclesiastes wrote chapter three he intended for them to be viewed as separate times? Cause today, two of them collided for me. And it was ok. I found much to be grateful for in the midst of both. (Which, isn't that some of what the first Thanksgiving was all about? Gratitude in the midst of some difficult times?!? Speaking of which, while I was getting ready this morning I decided I would definitely have been one of the "pale faces" at the first Thanksgiving. It's not even December yet, and I'm definitely feeling the summer tan fading away already...*rabbit trail*)

*Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under Heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill (don't be thinking it's ok to murder someone. not what that means!) and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I'm wondering what kind of a day it was for you? What kind of "a time"? Or, if like me you had some "time"s collide?

Today I'm thankful for tears. For tears that help to wash the pain of life away. He did remind me today that His grace is sufficient for those that I am hurting for. *II Corinthians 12:9 That He is close to the broken-hearted. *Psalm 34:18 That He daily is bearing their burdens. *Psalm 68:19 Thank you God that you are omnipresent. *Psalm 46:1 That You are with those that I can't be with in person today. That You are full of hugs in the midst of life. There IS always something to be grateful for in every season, in every "time". Continue opening my eyes to them, God.

My neighbor lady that I mentioned above  - I'm so thankful for my neighbors - sent me this text yesterday:

Thanks...I haven't been looking forward to it [Thanksgiving] out of fear of it being the last [for her father]. Then I decided I better be thankful that we can gather, and future Thanksgivings will be what they will be. No need to not love this one because next year might be different. All the next years might have been different all along.

I just so LOVE that. What healthy perspective.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!! xoxo

It's ok to cry on Thanksgiving,

Jules

Look Straight [into His face]

This past week I was bagging my own groceries in the self-checkout lane at the grocery store. (Thankful #1: I can go to the grocery store and buy food.) About those self-checkout lanes, sometimes (well, technically almost every time I use them) I think a person should get a discount just for using that lane. By the time you finally get everything out of your cart and scanned between the orders to: [get your unknown item off the belt] [wait for the clerk in charge to come turn off your blinking red light because your next item was unreadable] [please wait for assistance because your next item won't scan at all] [your coupon won't scan, please wait for assistance]  you now have the person behind you starting to cross their arms and tap their toe a little. You quickly pay for your items and start bagging. Before you can finish bagging, the person behind you in line now starts scanning their items before you have time to put the divider up between the two orders and now the two purchases are mixing. Yes, all that hard work deserves a customer discount! :) Right off the bat I have changed the subject... (Thankful #2: I am a woman and I know how to spin a web with my thoughts.)

I'm bagging my groceries and I hear a lady saying to my right, "Ohhh, I love your necklace!" I turned to thank her, tell her it was a good deal, (of course one MUST mention that fact) and where I bought it if she asked. When I finished turning she was right beside me. Like, RIGHT beside me. I started to say thank you but she looked straight into my eyes and interrupted me. "Ohhh, and so pretty too..." Honestly, I tried to say thank you again but she just gave me a smile and continued walking. I heard her about 30 sec. later at the next checkout lane cooing over a cute baby, (that I myself had cooed over in aisle 13 or so) a very, very cute baby. I didn't watch where she went from there, I'm figuring the restroom, but it wasn't more than a few minutes later that she was to my far right again encouraging the clerk in charge of all the self-checkout lanes. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her at work again, so not in a hurry with life, making people genuinely smile. She looked to be in her 70's. Dressed to the nines with a fancy leopard print hat to boot. (Thankful #3: For clothing to wear. Clothing that keeps me warm. Clothing that makes me smile because it's "just so cute." I like clothing.)  She radiated joy. When she was done talking with the clerk she walked out of the store, nothing in hand. You know what my first thought was? "I'd believe it if someone told me I had just entertained talking with an angel." *Hebrews 13:2 It was the peace and joy I saw written all over her face. It was the way she looked straight into my eyes and said with so much sincerity the words she spoke. No fluff. Just sincere words.

Sometimes, I imagine. I imagine what it would have been like to live and walk on this earth during the few years that Jesus was here in the flesh. To listen to the authority that radiated from His voice. To be one that felt His hands reach out and touch my blind eyes. To open my eyes and realize I can see! To open my eyes only to look full into His wonderful face. To see the love and compassion laced with His authority in His eyes. Oh. My. Word. How would that have been... It seems like you wouldn't be able to look away... That you wouldn't be able to feel anything but confidence in the fact that His love and compassion were for YOU. To understand what it is to be loved first. To be loved first before you hear the words, "Your faith has healed you. Go. And sin no more." (Thankful #4: That He loved me first. That while I was yet a sinner, He died for me.) To be one of those that recognized the authority in His eyes, and because of that recognition you would have no other fleshly choice but to fall at His feet and worship. Yep, while the Pharisees and teachers of the law look on in all of their self-righteous, arm-crossing, scrutinizing, judgemental selves, thinking, "Just who does this man think He is demanding and creating worshipers of HIM-self?" while they miss the joy and tears of the one set free because of the hardness of their own hearts. Or, to maybe have been one of the ones at the back of the crowd who was curious. Who didn't really want to be seen at a place where He was because of what someone else might think. But I go anyways because something within me thinks "What if there IS more?" "What if the downward spiral I've been living in isn't my only choice?" "What if I am of greater worth than what others have been telling me I am worthy of?" And while I'm trying to stay in the background and in the shadows, He sees me. I try to quickly avert my eyes and step behind the person in front of me but His gaze is so quick, so intense, I cannot help but stare back at Him because I see hope there for me. I see the same love and compassion and authority that surely the healed saw when they opened their eyes. And God, in the miraculous way only He can work, allows a person to feel as if they've stared into the eyes of Jesus for an hour rather than a few moments before He looks to the next person. Or, I wonder how it would have been to be one of those that could not bring yourself to believe He was who He said He was, only to witness and experience the events that occurred right after His last breath. To have your eyes opened by the earthshaking, powerful, and terrifying events. To whisper to yourself, "Surely. Surely this man WAS the Son of God. I believe." Ohhhhhhh, so much fun to dream and wonder what it would have been like. I can't blame you Joseph, for being a dreamer. :) (Thankful #5: That He has given us the real-life accounts of believers gone before us.)

Us today? We live by faith, and not by sight. *2 Corinthians 5:7 Someday, we WILL ALL see Him face to face. We will. The unbelieving and the believing. We will give an account. *2 Corinthians 5:10 *Romans 14:11 *Isaiah 45:22-24 I do not remind you of this to make you afraid. To some, it should make them afraid, but this time that isn't my point. I want you to think about how much you have taken/take the time to seek His face while in this mortal body of yours. How much have you sought His face in the little things? How much have you sought His face in the big things? How much time have you spent seeking Him for your path? *Psalm 27:8 And I mean every single step for your paths?

We have so much calling out to us in the here and now. So much. Other's opinions of how we should live. Other's agendas for how we should live. I'm not suggesting we forever reject the "other's" for fear of following them and not Jesus. I'm suggesting that we don't do enough seeking of His face for US. We go by hearsay of who He is by reading other people's books and blogs about Him without balancing out those things with our own time in His Word. We go by hearsay in the speakers and preachers that we listen to about Him without balancing out those things with our own time in His Word. Without sitting quietly before Him and communicating with Him and asking Him to show us the way. And, the next thing we know we've followed someone else rather than God. Someone else has become our god. I have said it before in this blog - I don't have anything against reading and listening to words from other godly Christians. I don't. But, when you and I spend more time reading and listening to the "other's" than we put forth the time and attention to keep up our own relationship with Him we risk an unhealthy balance. Like, bad junk food kind of unhealthy. It's tempting, but unhealthy. If you're feeling some toe stompin', believe me, I've been there and I do not look down on you. And, if you are still learning how to fellowship with Him, still learning how to seek His face, still learning how to hear His voice, (my next blogpost will be me sharing my own journey to learning to hear His voice - I hope you find it helpful and encouraging) PLEASE do not lose heart. It's a journey. A worthwhile journey. Just remember to prioritize. 

Until we see Him face to face He has promised to surround us as with a shield. *Psalm 5:11-12  In *Psalm 73:23-25 there is a beautiful picture of Him walking beside us. Of Him going before us and guiding us with His counsel. In *Psalm 139:5 He hems us in behind and before and His hand is upon us. In *Isaiah 41:10 He upholds us. Oh my lands, what comforting words and precious promises. Stand up my friend, put on your armor, and be confident. He's got you surrounded and covered from top to bottom. HALLELUJAH! And, yee-haw! :) But even now, I also long for more of those moments when He turns around. When it takes your breath away as He looks you right in the eyes. And even more so I long for when I see - when I SEE Him face to face. When everything will be made right. When I look into His eyes and I see the love and authority and I fall down and worship. *Sigh* Can He just come like right now??... (Thankful #6: He surrounds and covers me.)

When others look into my eyes I wonder what they see? Please Jesus, let them see YOU. Let me decrease and You increase. Plleeeeeaaaaasssseeee?? 

I want to introduce you to Robert. I love his testimony. I have never met Robert but I so look forward to shaking his hand at least one time in eternity. Robert is in Heaven and now looks upon Jesus' face. *a little jealous over here* Robert was the grandfather of a good friend of mine. (I'm starting to say "Robert" too much. Like in the movie "Titanic" where Jack and Rose are constantly yelling each other's name. I think I'll switch to third person narrative.) He worked as a janitor. A janitor at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinic. When it came time for family and friends to come together to celebrate his life and mourn his death, there was a very large group of them that did. A janitor with a large attendance at his funeral?! Why? A man who spent hours cleaning up after people. A man who spent hours fixing things around the school so that others could learn and work towards their careers and goals. A janitor who had a large attendance at his funeral not because of his career, but because people looked at him and saw Jesus. I have no doubts others saw Jesus because of the the quality time he spent seeking the face of Jesus first and foremost before he did his job. One day, Robert will stand before the judgement throne of God, look into the face of His Creator, Lord, and Master, and will hear "well done, good and faithful servant." But, can you also hear the Father say: "I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me, I was..." *Matthew 25:34-36 to which Robert replies "but my King and Master, I never stepped foot in a prison...my wife and I always knew who was staying in our home...I was never a doctor myself, I only worked at the college hospital as a janitor..." [Disclaimer: I have no idea if he did or didn't, it's the concept I want to emphasize. End of Disclaimer] And then, the testimonies from college students and staff from the U of Iowa begin to be heard: "You helped me to recognize I was imprisoned by my bitterness and hate towards my friend." "You were kind to me when no one else was." "You helped me to recognize my pride by showing me a humble, serving attitude." "You encouraged me when I was heart-sick and gave me some hope." "You helped me pray to repent of my sins and confess Jesus as Lord." "You recognized my faith was dying and you revived me with the love of God." "You..."

And I will say, "I was greatly blessed by your testimony." My friend's grandfather bloomed where he was planted. I want to do it too. I pray you'll do it too. How?

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full, in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim...in the light of His glory and grace."

Look at Him. Let Him heal your hurts. Let Him tell you that you are beautiful and precious in His sight. (Or handsome for you men that don't want to be called beautiful...) Let Him bring you peace that passes all understanding in the midst of your crazy circumstances. Let Him be your enough in your mundane and difficult circumstances that seem to have no end...Let Him...Let Him... And, also, let Him pierce your heart and convict you of sin. Just a personal experience: Since beginning this blog (after dragging my feet to do so), I have had more times than I care to admit where I have told Him and myself that I'm not sure but that I'm done with it for now. That the nerves that I encounter in being vulnerable, added to the worry that I may misrepresent Him are enough to make me say that it's not for me. I've been concerned that I will run out of things to write about. Just this past week within a matter of a couple of days I felt Him breathe into me titles to use on this blog. Not just one or two, but seventeen. Yeah, seventeen. That should keep me busy for awhile. At the top of one of my notebook pages I wrote "I repent of being worried and fearful that I'll run out of things to say." Would I in my own strength confide, yes, I would be losing. But, He doesn't abandon us or run out of things to say. If God is for us, who can stand against us? *Romans 8:31 It's not about me, it's about Him. I pray you'll see HIM.

It's almost Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday. (Thankful #7: for His face.) (Thankful #8: for YOU!)

This face is a little bleary-eyed from staying up so late to type this. I'm going to bed, but if you look me in the eyes tomorrow I may have dark circles under them. Don't judge me, just smile and wave...just smile and wave...

Jules









           

Who do you say that I AM [at the crossroad of pain]

Earlier this year, in a matter of one day's time I got either a call, email, or text from four different friends, each sharing hard and even devastating news that had happened to them. Yeah, I was scared to answer the phone by the end of the day. :(

You know what my response was? "God, what. are. You. doing.?!?! What are You allowing these circumstances for?!?" My heart hurt for my friends. Although none of it happened to me, it was a lot of hard news in one day. I look at Job and I think, "How did he do it? How does a man lose everything he HAS in one day and in response drop to his knees and worship...." *Job 1:20-22 I mean, who does that!? The Bible says not once through the devastation did Job sin by blaming God. I'd like to think that I would have a similar response, but honestly, I don't know.....

Who does that? One who is anchored in the Truth. Who walks close to the Truth. "This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil." *Job 1:1 One who is like a tree PLANTED by streams of living water. *Psalm 1 THE Living Water. I want to be that tree. (I guess that means I'm "going green"?) ;) I may, or may not respond well when the day of devastation comes, but I have been through difficult times in my life and I can say from the bottom of my heart that I am grateful for those times. For the grace given to me from Him in those times. They have molded me, transformed me, and given me perspective that I never would have learned in times of prosperity and easy circumstances.  One example; as a teenager I experienced some hard emotional  and physical health issues . It was during my senior year in high school. I was not impressed. I loved life, and suddenly felt like the life was sucked out of me. I felt like I was missing out on one of the best years of my life. I had never heard of depression or anxiety, let alone how difficult they could be to walk through and heal from. The healing didn't come quickly either. A defining moment for me was during one of my lowest times when my brother (a man of few words) ;) approached me in our living room and said that he was sorry for what I was going through, that he wasn't always sure how to help, but that he loved me and his hope and prayer was for me to experience joy and healing double-fold for the pain, as Job did. (I'm very aware my pain was pale in comparison to Job's loss, but the analogy is what he was looking for) It makes me teary-eyed to think of his words even now. You know what? Twenty two years later, and more and different trials later, I realize God has answered that prayer. Not as human hearts and minds would first think of in terms of blessings, but in the blessing of greater compassion for others that comes from trials. In greater patience in believing in God's sovereignty and timing. In greater humility in my heart that comes from trials. In greater grace that one experiences through trial. In greater hope and longing for a perfect, eternal home being prepared for those who love Him because we realize we are only here for a moment and our present sufferings are not worthy to be compared to the joy set before us when we will see Him face to face. In greater quiet trust and hope that knows that God will be faithful again in the future. In greater peace because He has proved He does not leave me or forsake me during the hard stuff of life. Because in my darkest of times, He has felt closer to me than ever before. In all my questions and confusion, He really has been an ever-present help. *Psalm 46:1

In my trials I have had to make crossroad choices. Do I trust God? Do I believe that He hears me? Do I believe He is still there when I only feel silence? Do I believe He is who He says He is when pain and suffering are allowed in my life, in the life of my loved ones, and in the world? Or, am I in anger and pain and confusion going to walk away from Him? It's a difficult thing when we are hit hard with the fact that being a follower of Jesus, a believer in the Almighty God, does not exempt us nor protect us from pain. There is no formula to doing or being or believing enough to where we are protected from hard times. It can be a hard, wrestle down the throat pill to swallow. (Actually, that makes me want to go get a drink. I don't like dry things stuck in my throat and that mental picture makes me want to swallow a few extra times right now) *rabbit trail*

Back to the subject:

When Jesus walked on this earth people heard some hard things come out of His mouth. Things that brought them to a crossroads. Do I believe and put my faith in Him as the Messiah? Or, do I walk away.....

This crossroad really isn't a bad place to find yourself. It makes us choose between hot and cold and steers us clear of luke-warmness. (luke-warmness = NOT a good place to find yourself) *Revelation 3:16

In John 6 many of Jesus' disciples came to the crossroad. Their difficulty was not in suffering and trials in this event, but in believing that Jesus was who He said He was. His words pierced. His words defied the religious laws. His words were outrageous to many. His words dealt with the heart. His words said He was God in the flesh. Most people loved the miracles. (I can't blame them, really. I have longed for and asked for and would have loved me some miracles to take pain away.) But, it was His words on this particular day that drove many away. They had The Truth right before their eyes and they walked away. Heartbreaking. He watches them walk away and then Jesus turns to His twelve and asks the crossroads question: Where do you stand? Are you walking away now, too? *John 6:67 They knew and believed by this time that Jesus was the Messiah. I love how Peter answered Him by saying that they really HAD nowhere else to go. For He had the words of eternal life. *John 6:68-69 The disciples that deserted Him wrestled with what so many have wrestled with in painful suffering. What I have wrestled with. And out of the wrestling for me, came the need to decide who I was going to believe God was. Jesus in *Luke 9:18-20 asks His disciples first: "Who do the crowds say I am?" (and boy, would we have a smorgasboard of answers in this day and age!!!) and second: "But, what about you? Who do you say that I am?" SUCH. AN. IMPORTANT. QUESTION. FOR. US. Because you see, the answer to the question explains much about how we are able to deal with - and handle - and live through - and respond to - suffering and pain. In a world that states that only the strong survive we must decide who will be our strength. We were not created to be strong in our own strength. To bear up and survive life on our own. "Praise be to the Lord; to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Selah *Psalm 68:19 

I really like Habakkuk. I've never met him, but I'm looking forward to talking with him. (And, his name has so many different ways that it could be pronounced, it's just fun to practice saying what all they could be! Although, he just might have been one of those kids who wonders what mom and dad were thinking when they came up with that name?!? It's a pretty unique one.) *rabbit trail* Habakkuk gives voice to the "God, You don't make sense!" statements and questions in our life. Plus, his journey to surrender to the sovereignty of God is challenging and enlightening. The very first words he speaks in the book of Habakkuk carry a lot of questioning emotion: "How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!!" but you do not save?!?" *Habakkuk 1:2-4 <---these verses hold his questions to God if you want to read all of them. I feel for the guy. I've been there. And the kicker? God's response. He proceeds to tell Him that the future of Judah does not lie in peace and victory, but looks ahead to it's destruction by the evil Babylonians. If I was Habbakuk I might very well be sorry I asked. Shew-ee. Habakkuk has more questions. What?!? You are using evil to overtake those more righteous?!?  (Albeit, not that much more righteous) Do you not hate evil?!? You do not tolerate wrong! Why do the wicked prosper so?!? There. He said it. What was screaming from his heart that longed for justice. He then says, "Now I wait. Now I see what answer God is going to give to THAT compaint." *Habakkuk 1:12-17 And, he hears. He hears from a God who does love justice. A God who promises to chasten His people, (Judah) but then promises to bring destruction upon their oppressors. A God who proves that He does see wickedness, and that in the end, wickedness and those who revel in it are doomed. *Habakkuk 2: 2-20 He tells Habakkuk, "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." *Hab. 2:3 We're not good at waiting. But Habakkuk, in the waiting and the listening, came to the reality that pain is real, but God is Sovereign. The reality that God works everything for our good. *Romans 8:28  Habakkuk's waiting and listening end in a beautiful prayer of surrender and reverence for God. *Hab. 3 It's awesome. I'll come back to it. Eight years later, Judah falls to the Babylonians. Fifty eight years later, the mighty Babylonians fall. Sixty six years after God told Habakkuk to wait for it. That's a lot of waiting. "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will." *Romans 8:25-27 Such a beautiful picture. When we don't know how else to ask or have no more words, His Spirit is standing in the gap.

I really like King David. Yep, looking forward to chatting with him too. The man after God's own heart also gives voice to the emotional ups and down of life in the Psalms. *Psalm 73 is a similar picture to Habakkuk's "coming around" and surrendering to God's sovereignty. This particular chapter is actually a psalm of Asaph, not David. I personally don't know Asaph's actual title, (if you do, let me know!) but it is obvious he worked closely with David. *I Chronicles 16:7 & 37 *I Chronicles 25:1 He begins the chapter by sharing that He'd almost lost his way. Had almost slipped and fallen from the narrow way. Had spent some time envying the wicked and the prosperity of the wicked. Had been angry that it seemed they went unpunished and escaped harm while he in vain kept his heart pure and experienced hardships daily. He gives voice to the questions. He came to the crossroad. "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny." *Psalm 73:16-17 (Dwelling with God brings so much clarity) He ends knowing and admitting that their destruction is sure and coming. He realized that to question God in anger and bitterness is senseless and ignorant. *Ps. 73:21-22 He answers much in the same way that Peter did. Where many of us in pain find ourselves: I don't like this pain. I dislike this suffering. I'm wondering if You really are a good God. If You really are who You say You are. But, in reality you are the Way and the Truth and the Life. I HAVE nowhere else to go. "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." *Ps. 73:25  

Who do I say that He is?

I say You are faithful even when we are faithless because You cannot disown Yourself. (a wonderful promise) *II Timothy 2:13
I say Your ways are so much higher than ours in sovereignty that we don't always have to know the answers.  *Isaiah 55:9
I say You are close to the brokenhearted and You do save those who are crushed in spirit. *Psalm 34:18
I say You DO see trouble and grief. That you are our helper. *Psalm 10:14 
I say You will never leave me nor forsake me. You are Jehovah-Shammah, the God who is there. *Hebrews 13:5-6 An ever present help in times of trouble. *Psalm 46:1
I say You are power. I say Your power is made perfect in my weakness. I say Your grace is sufficient to provide. You are Jehovah-Jireh, my provider. *II Corinthians 12:9
I say You give a new song. A song of gratitude in the midst of pain. *Psalm 40:3
I say You are a strong tower. The righteous run to You and are safe. *Proverbs 18:10
I say You are the father of compassion and the God of all comfort. *II Corinthians 1:3
I say You are a refuge and our strength. Psalm 46:1
I say You are greatness, power, glory, majesty, and splendor. You are exalted above all. *I Chronicles 29:11
I say Your yoke is easy and Your burden is light. That You are gentle.That my soul finds rest in You. *Matthew 11:29-30
I say that Your word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. *Psalm 119:105
I say that neither death nor life, angels nor demons, the nor the future, any power, height nor depth, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger or sword, can ever separate me from Your love. You are love. *Romans 8:35-38

I say these are few in listing who God is. But they are the start to my foundation that anchors me in times of trouble. I say I don't want to just know these in my head, but I want to believe them in my heart.

I say above all that You have won the victory. That You have overcome the world. And, that You WILL bring justice in the end. That You WILL right all wrongs. *Psalm 45:6 *Revelation 19:2a That You are perfectly just. That You will wipe every tear. That You will conquer death, mourning, crying, and pain. *Revelation 21:4 I love that. I heart that.


Just this past week I realized that this season in my life has been marked by good times. No major troubles or suffering. I rejoice in that. I say You are a good God. "When times are good, BE HAPPY. But, when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other." *Ecclesiastes 7:14 But, I also say that there will most likely be more hard times that come. When they do, may I hold tight to what I know. What a blessing it would be if it would be said of me at my life's end: She knew God. And because she knew God and dwelt with Him, she lived richly. Even in the pain, she did not walk away.

Habakkuk's prayer. You need to read it sometime. The most beautiful part for me is to see his surrender. "Yet I will wait patiently...Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to stand on the heights." *Habukkuk 3:16-19

As much as I do thank God for what the painful times in my life have taught me, and the closeness I have shared with Him in them, I have never asked or begged God for more trials. I can't say that I ever will. :) As surely as they will come without my asking for them, because of what I believe and say to be true of God, I can live free from worry about the future. *Matthew 26:25-34 Whether I experience pain from chastisement, to teach me something new, or simply because we live in a fallen and sinful world, I am thankful that He is able. And that if the answers to my prayers come slowly or are not answered in the way that I would like, I rest knowing that He who is able to do more than I could ask or imagine is still working. That His timing will reign, will certainly come, and will not delay. *Habakkuk 2:3 That is all I need to know.

It's an important question: Who do you say that He is?

I pray you stay. I pray you don't walk away.

I'm sorry for your pain, whatever it may be. May He lift you up and give you the strength to make it through today.

Jules

p.s. I also say that I'm a little lot frustrated with the fact that I cannot seem to totally fix the issue of people not being able to comment on my blog. And so patiently (a-hem) I will continue to work at solving the problem... :) 





  

  

That's Some Great [Advice] You've Got There!

I am an observer and listener by nature. I've always been a big fan. From sitting in a public place and people watching, (could do that all day! I'm especially remembering sitting with two cousins of mine as a tween at the mall in STITCHES while they proceeded to commentate what they thought people were saying or thinking as they walked by. Those two seriously missed their calling, they definitely should have been comedians. Makes me smile to remember...) to watching the lives of those in my circles, to reading about what others have learned, to....you get the idea. You can learn so much if you take the time to look and listen! (And yes, you can learn what you DON'T want to do and be as well!)Advice is literally everywhere. How to do it better, how to lead a godly life, how to save time & money, how to make life easier, how to raise your children, how to be successful, on and on. People seek out judges, counselors, pastors and teachers. People in general seek answers to what they feel they are lacking wisdom in. And, because we really deep down don't want to be labeled "stupid!" Which is why there have been and continue to be the "Hints from Heloise", the "Dear Abby's", and the "Anne Landers" advice columns. I'm grateful for the good things, godly things, and helpful hints and tips I've learned from others as well as from "the wisdom that comes from above." *James 3:17

The purpose of this post is to share with you some of these tips and helpful hints, both practical and spiritual. I hope in turn  you'll share with me as well! (hint, HINT) :)

Here are several in all their randomness: (drum roll...)

one. Above all else, guard your heart. *Proverbs 4:23 Deep down I want to do things well. I want to be efficient, I want to be a good mom, I want to live a godly life, I want to live with wisdom and discernment, I want to be a good wife. As a Christian I've spent many a time asking God for His direction and for the discernment to make the right decision. Two years ago I had several different circumstances in my life that I was asking God to please give me some direction in. They were the kind of situations where there were more than one different answers that could be right, not necessarily black and white scenarios. I so badly wanted to know what to do & how to handle them! I finally felt like I heard from Him. Not in specific direction right away, but in these profound words: He said, "You know, wisdom is a good thing, a favorable thing, something I want you to seek, but above everything in these situations, I want you to guard your heart. Solomon had wisdom above any other in his world, but it did not keep him on the straight and narrow." Yep, all those lovely lady friends of King Solomon did his heart in. Wow. Reality check. The very man who held much wisdom and most likely penned these words forgot his own advice. Whether I end up making the right decisions, God wants me to guard hard my heart. Guard against idols, guard against envy and jealousy, guard against pride, guard against lies, guard against complacency, guard my tongue, guard it from hardening. Set up a continual Coast Guard around the perimeter of my heart. Eliminate the enemies of it A.S.A.P. It can sound wearisome, (to me anyways) but He has the answer: "Look to the Lord and His strength. Seek His face always." *I Chronicles 16:11 *Psalm 105:4 "I CAN do E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. through Him who gives me strength!" Philippians 4:13

two. When laundering a new item for the first time, or with any clothing that bleeds easily, put some table salt in the washer with the load of clothes. I'd say I average about a tablespoon or two? I usually buy a separate box to keep in my laundry cupboard. I first heard about this approx. 13 years ago and have never since had anything bleed out and you don't have to wash it separately the first time! Lifesaving!

three. When you store bed sheet sets, put both of the sheets and one of the pillowcases inside of the second pillowcase. No more searching for separate pieces!

four. Letting God set the record straight when false things have been said about me. (and you) This quote came to me as a teenager and I have never, and won't soon, forget it. It's a difficult thing when we've been falsely accused. It's a difficult thing when gossip spreads about us filled with misinformation and twisted truth. It's disappointing when people spread words that may be truth but aren't beneficial to share. But it takes it to another level when people spread lies and false accusations. It hurts. Yes, I'm speaking from experience. I find it a beautiful thing to watch Jesus in action when He was falsely accused. In *Matthew 26 & 27 the chief priests, the Sanhedrin, the elders, and many false witnesses hatefully spewed false information against Him, twisting information to their advantage. (Isn't that what gossip is all about? Elevating ourselves? Fulfilling our own agendas? Our own way of getting revenge?) Jesus answered the questions directed at Him, but when the accusations were fired, He remained silent. *Matthew 26:63 *Matthew 27:14 There is something very powerful about knowing when we are innocent and we don't need to adamantly defend ourselves. Something very powerful about allowing God to have the revenge. *Romans 12:19 And boy, did God ever set the record straight about Jesus! Amen and amen. He cares just as much about the truth in your life. Several years ago my husband was falsely accused by a contractor that he had worked for for several years. In trying to create business for this company, Ed's actions were misinterpreted and he lost all business from them. My husband is a very good communicator and I remember listening to his story and realizing in amazement that he wasn't going to contact them to clear up their misunderstanding, nor did he feel led to. "You're not even going to try and explain what REALLY happened?! They could spread lies about you to other contractors!" I was blessed to watch God set the record straight not long ago through details that only He could orchestrate between Ed and this company. Without Ed barging in and declaring his innocence. Without any intervention from us. What a convicting reminder it was for me. "Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the Lord, and He will deliver you." *Proverbs 20:22 Can I just also add another lesson I have learned regarding forgiveness towards false accusations? One thing my mother did right was to pound into me the importance of guarding my tongue against gossip. I'm thankful for that, and while it has been highly beneficial, I have failed. I haven't always guarded my tongue. These words have pierced my heart many times when I've been tempted to harbor hurts towards gossip: "There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins. Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you - for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others." *Ecclesiastes 7:20-22 You see, others have had to forgive my tongue as well. I know how it feels to receive mercy, therefore may it spur me to forgive much quicker, knowing God is a just God. "A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult." *Proverbs 12:16 I'm not saying we are to be doormats and never assertive. The Holy Spirit leads us to be assertive at times. But, way too often we take matters into our own hands apart from His help. Jesus, help us to rest and relax in You when we are innocent victims!

five. Eat chocolate. I have no research to back this. I really have no facts about why you should eat it to back this. Just that it does a soul and body good. If you don't like chocolate, I feel sorry for you. And, you may just need prayer. ;)

six. Hydrogen Peroxide will get blood stains out. Just pour it straight onto the stain and watch it work. I sometimes have to launder something twice if I didn't catch the stain right away, but it works wonders!

seven. Listen for the music. And no, I'm not asking you to start hearing voices. :) When I sin, when I mess up, when people disappoint me, when I'm feeling alone, when I feel unappreciated, when I feel small in this big world, when I allow myself to brew some jealousy or comparison, I have times where I enter the "I'm gonna go eat worms" attitude. It's really not healthy and I know it. It's right where the enemy would like me, actually. At other times, I struggle with the opposite. I get a little too big for my britches. Yep, really not healthy and I know it. It's right where the enemy would like me, actually. If you want some stories to let you know you're not alone, Jesus' own disciples struggled with these too. Peter experienced the shame of mess-up by denying His own Master. *Mark 14: 66-72 The disciples got caught being a little full of themselves and ended up arguing about who was the greatest among them. *Mark 33-35 (Seriously, I can't help but chuckle at the mental picture) The beauty in both of these situations for me is Jesus's patient, loving way of bringing them back to the truth. You know what gets rid of both for me? Listening. Intentionally listening to the truth of who I am in Christ. The words of *Zephaniah 3:17 have healed me time and time again. "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Oh, if we could intentionally take the time to quietly listen to the love God has for us. If we could intentionally take the time to listen to His song of love over us. It lifts up the most down-in-the-dumps of hearts because we recognize our worth, and brings humility to the lofty-minded because we realize we can be nothing, can do nothing, can have nothing without Him. The music keeps me in check. Keeps me balanced. But, not when I'm too busy to listen for it. I pray you seek it and find it with me! 

eight. A wooden spoon laid over the top of a kettle will keep water from boiling over. I just recently heard about this. It works! Lifesaving for those like me who put a pot of water over, then head to do something else and forget it's on the stove. ;)

nine. Seek to be level-headed in all situations. In Paul's words: "But you, keep your head in all situations..." *II Timothy 4:5 Years ago my dad mentioned in some words of advice to me the need to keep a clear mind, a level-headed mind, in a day and age where we have so many options that bombard the truth of God to destroy it. I remember thinking that I'd really like to be a daughter of God that learns to "keep her head." Fast forward to two winters ago, when after ten years of our home being mouse-free (stay with me. I really am on the same track here) :) we suddenly had one in the house. I do not do well with a mouse in my house. Like, really don't do well. My poor husband. We had been confused when we built our home as to why we had some coming in in a brand new house?! I had actually prayed that we would be mouse-free, and God in His loving way, cared about the littlest of details in my life and had let Ed come across where they were coming in. I cannot tell you how grateful I was. And Ed. No more crazy, emotional, pregnant, hormonal wifey waking him up in the middle of the night to kill the evil little thing. (But, that's a whole nother story.) So here we were. With a mouse disruption. I pleaded with Ed to search and destroy and to have no rest until it was confiscated. He wasn't in that big of a hurry. (Why NOT?!?) He looked at me in the middle of the conversation and said, "Look, I will do my best to get rid of it a.s.a.p., but I can't necessarily get it accomplished this minute! You know, as level-headed as you are, you sure lose a lot of it when a tiny mouse comes around..." Wait! Wait! What?!? YAY! I'm level-headed?!?! He said I'm level-headed!!! I couldn't help but laugh when he said that, but it blessed me to hear the man that has lived day in and day out with me for 17+ years call me that. Who we are at home is quite a real indicator of the real us. It felt like an answer to prayer! (Especially to this at-times-airheaded lady)

ten. Be teachable and accountable. God has used many, many people to teach me and shape me. I can testify to these words in Proverbs: "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I will tell you though, it is not always easy when the sharpening comes in the form of correction from another. Even when it's not easy, may I NEVER become hardened to being corrected! "He who hates correction is stupid!" *Proverbs 12:1 I don't know that I could have always genuinely said I'm grateful for this, but I really am grateful for the friends in my life that are willing to talk truth to me about myself when needed. Who love me enough to be honest. Not in mean, hateful ways, but in love. "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." *Proverbs 12:18 ***I want to also THANK the couple of godly women older and wiser than me who have agreed to faithfully read my blog and keep me accountable. Bless you!!*** When I was a teen, I let my tongue slip and was confronted in love by a friend as to what my purpose was in talking about her, and why?! It was a powerful lesson for me in the beauty of listening to God's advice in confronting someone face to face without going and sharing your pain with twenty other people first. (Well, that and the folly of gossip!!!) I will never forget it. There is a quote on Pinterest (that's where I first saw it anyways) that says "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?" SO GOOD! If you are feeling hurt because the correction wasn't done in love, or spoken in truth, (which happens sometimes) pray first! He's a Wonderful Counselor because He cannot be anything but truth. Listen to godly advice, but don't forget to seek it from the One and Only first and foremost. 

I find it so ironic and sad that the man who penned such wonderful counsel and wisdom in Proverbs ended up not heeding such wisdom. What a valuable lesson for us. His own father had charged him on his deathbed to be strong, to show himself a man (apparently he WAS quite the man...that loved the ladies...hehe) and to observe what the Lord required. To walk in His ways, and to keep His decrees and commands. *I Kings 2:1-3 May we be wiser than the wisest man. And, may we accept God's forgiveness when we are "stupid." 

If you have the time, I'd love to hear your tip or advice.(At times, people have had trouble with not being able to comment on my blog. Please let me know if this is the case! I'm not trying to block comments.) 

Sharpen me!

Love to you and yours,  

Jules

[Height Terrification] Mountain Clarification

I feel like I need to introduce myself all over again. I don't know what the protocol is for how often a person is supposed to write a new blog post, but it's been a number of weeks for me since the last one! Summer. Kids home from school. Busy. Feeling more drained than I thought I would after being so vulnerable in the last post. Those are my reasons excuses in a nutshell. :) I feel it necessary to thank those of you, from the bottom of my heart, who offered words of encouragement, gave me a squeeze, or said/whispered "thanks for sharing your story" in the last weeks. It does a soul good, and I'm grateful. 

Yes, terrification is a word. My husband teases makes fun of me when I make up words, but sometimes it's just easier to come up with a new word! AND, 99% of the time he knows what I'm talking about so it works out just fine. :)   

I'm terrified of heights. As in, I'm the one in the ferris wheel cart leaning forward and holding onto the bar in the center just in case I would happen to be the first person ever to roll over backwards and flip out of the seat while sitting still. I'm the one at the top of the lighthouse with family refusing to go to the outside railed porch around it (just happy I've made it up all 17,342 steps that you can see through down to the ground) and when my brother-in-law decides it would be funny to try and push me to the outside I become not-so-laid-back-Julie and turn into a growly bear ready to bite a head off for scaring me so bad! I'm the one sitting on the top step of the Mayan ruin in Mexico holding the rope provided for people to hold onto as they ascend the steps with a death grip, just in case I happen to be the first one to randomly slide off a step while just sitting still. I'm the one standing 10 ft. back or more from the edge of anything high and steep because I might just randomly fall forward and not be able to stop myself. I'm the one who gets an increased heart rate just standing on the next to last step at the top of the step ladder to wash the windows...

*Sigh* I've MADE myself do things up high to see if I can ease out of my fear, but it just doesn't go away. It pushes me WAY out of my comfort zone to be up high. 

I've found God seems to be all about height, about lifting us up. And, living outside of comfort zones. Ga-reaaat.  

• He makes my feet like the feet of a deer. He enables me to stand on the HEIGHTS. *II Samuel 22:34 *Psalm 18:33 *Habakkuk 3:19 

• But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will SOAR on wings like eagles... *Isaiah 40:31 

• He reached down from on HIGH and took hold of me, He drew me out of deep waters. *Psalm 18:16 *II Samuel 22:17 

• A song of ASCENTS: I lift UP my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth. *Psalm 121: 1-2 

• The New Jerusalem is measured as high as it is long and wide. About 1,400 miles high! The first time I heard this measurement I remember thinking, "Um, I'm TOTALLY content just having a place prepared in the lower levels. I'll be hanging out down there most of the time anyways..." *Revelation 21:16

A few weeks ago I was running. (I hate running actually, :) but I started the Couch to 5K program and it's going well, only two more weeks to go! It's been a feeling of accomplishment as well as something new to shake up my exercise routine.) I've chosen not to listen to any music while running. Just me and my thoughts and some peace and quiet. This particular evening I was reflecting on the fact that with a busy summer going on with the kids at home I hadn't been faithful at spending one on one time with God. Don't know about you, but when I find myself in this situation I very quickly imagine God sitting in His throne above with His arms crossed looking the other way, stern and disappointed because I've been a Martha for a few days. I whispered that I was sorry, and that I'd like to come back. That I missed the quiet fellowship. God reminded me right away that He hadn't left me, hadn't turned His face away and that He would GLADLY welcome me back. As I'm running I get the mental picture of the prodigal son returning home, nervous about how his reappearance would be received. And then I see the father - my Heavenly Father - standing at the end of the lane with a huge smile on His face and arms open wide. It choked me up for a minute. God whispered the reminder that it's not HIM who needs ME to function properly. It's ME who suffers when I decide I'm too busy and my self-discipline of spending time with Him becomes lax. I begin to feel like I'm in a desert place quicker. My perspective becomes blurred quicker. The responses of my heart become more sarcastic and doubtful quicker...

I felt an invitation to come up out of the desert place and back to the mountain of God.

God worked with quite a few Biblical characters up on mountains. To name a few:

In *I Kings 18 He used Elijah to teach a powerful lesson to others on Mt. Carmel. A story that can quickly give a person goosebumps!

In *I Kings 19 an exhausted and scared Elijah fled to Horeb, the mountain of God, where he himself was challenged when the presence of God came through  in a whisper.

In *Matthew 17 Peter, James, and John had quite the experience seeing Moses and Elijah talking with Jesus at the top of a mountain. (I personally can't wait to talk to all of these men someday!! Can't wait to hear their stories.)

In *Genesis 22 God tested Abraham to the max on Mt. Moriah by asking him to preform the unthinkable, then blessed Abraham by providing him with an alternate sacrifice. 

In II *Chronicles 3 He used Solomon to build His beautiful temple on Mt. Moriah.

In *Judges 7 Gideon watched God begin to reduce his small army of 32,000 men by stating that "anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mt. Gilead." (I'm not positive about this, but I'm thinking the size of the Midianite enemy army wasn't necessarily why they were shaking with nerves. But, that quite possibly there were many of them with the same fear of heights that I share?!? I don't know, but I think that makes a lot of sense) ;D Then, watched Him finish the reduction through several more steps until he stood with an army of only 300 (only 300. !!!!) "in order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her." And then, He showed Gideon that NO. ONE. wins on His mountain. He's the glorious, ever-victorious King. 

These are fascinating stories, well worth the read!

Now, walk with me for a little bit into the Desert of Sinai. Three months ago to the day the huge throng of Israelites around us escaped Egypt by the mighty hand of God. Families around us are working hard to set up camp and settle into the surroundings for a few days on this exhausting, wandering journey. We overhear some children: "Hey, check out the mountain!! I bet I'd beat every single one of you in a race to the top!" "Haha! You couldn't even make it half-ways up that thing without collapsing and begging for a drink!" "I don't know why either one of you are talking such smack...we all know I'm the king-of-any-climb...I'd leave both of ya in the dust!" We can't help but smile at their banter...

A rumor begins to float around the camp that Moses has actually begun heading up the mountain to have some alone time with God and to receive some instruction from Him for the next leg of the journey. Sure enough, a messenger comes running to a nearby campsite and summons an elder of the people that is staying there and asks that he come immediately for a meeting with Moses. God has spoken, and a reply is needed from the people. I look at you, and you look at me. Yep, we're gonna go listen in! Moses is just beginning to speak and right away makes sure that all the leaders know that the message he is about to give is word-for-word exactly as God commanded it to be. "You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles' wings {I'm interrupting just for a minute. See? There are those eagle wings again! God loves taking us to the heights to rescue us and bring us to His side!} and brought you to myself. Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation." Moses  asks the elders to relay this message to the people and get a response from them. No one they talk to can deny the supernatural escape they experienced leaving Egypt and definitely want that power on their side in the future!! A treasured possession?! Which means being always taken care of?!? Well, yes please! Of course we will obey! How could we make any other choice! The vote is unanimous and Moses has left the camp and is headed to the mountain where God dwells to relay the answer. 

More messages come back with Moses...God has asked Moses to consecrate everyone in the camp. Everyone is also to wash their clothes. Everyone is to prepare themselves for a big event three days from now. NO ONE is allowed to go up the mountain until then, or even touch the base of it. Anyone who does, animals included, will. die. No exceptions. No second chances. In fact, they must be stoned or shot with an arrow because if they disobey they themselves cannot even be touched by another! ONLY when the ram's horn sounds a long blast can anyone go up to the mountain. 

There is some confusion for a few minutes as to why all the rules?? until parents begin to frantically locate their children to sternly ask them to look them in the eye as they emphasize over and over the importance of obeying the rules. Men and women begin looking for everything they can possibly use to tie up animals in one spot so they don't go wandering off in the next three days. Moms and dads begin making their beds on opposite sides of the tents to ensure they don't get too cozy at night in response to the last rule. (sometimes I crack myself up) 

No one sleeps real well on the last night. There are many conversations around campfires before people begin heading to their sleeping mats as to what might be taking place on the all-important day they are preparing themselves for. Many can't fall asleep because they can't turn off their imaginations. We awake to a deafening trumpet blast. Holding our hands over our ears doesn't seem to quiet it either. Thunder and lightening are filling the sky continuously, adding to the noise and sudden terror everyone is feeling. For once, everyone in the camp is so afraid they cannot even utter a single gasp or word. Children are crying, but with no noise. Just tears running down their cheeks. Adults are in tears too. Some manage to peek outside their tents and realize it's actually morning, but it doesn't appear as light outside because of a thick cloud that has settled over Mt. Sinai. Runners begin to run through camp. Moses is summoning every man, woman, and child to come with him to the foot of the mountain to meet with God. People are afraid to meet with this God, but are more afraid of disobeying and finding out the consequences, so they follow Moses to the mountain. By this time, the mountain was not only covered by the cloud, but by thick, black, billowing smoke. We find out later God had descended upon it in fire. We stand with all these Israelites at the foot of this mountain and we are all shaking uncontrollably. Feeling fear has reached new heights for all of us. We begin to realize though, that it's not just us that is shaking. The whole MOUNTAIN is shaking!!! The trumpet blast is getting louder and louder and L.O.U.D.E.R. It is all becoming too much to bear. Somehow though, amidst all the noise, we hear Moses speak. This God descends to the top of the mountain from where He dwells and calls Moses to the top of the mountain. How on earth can Moses have the nerve to ascend the mountain in such a terrifying scene?!? Before he leaves people are shouting at Moses to please continue being the messenger. That they please not have to talk to this terrifying God themselves!! That they would surely die if they did!! The whole crowd has slowly but surely moved backwards. We are standing at a distance now watching Moses approach the thick cloud where God is waiting...and when God has finished speaking, everyone in the camp is astounded and overwhelmed with the requirements of the law of this God.....*Exodus 19 *Exodus 20

Right before we awake from this dream of being in the desert, that could be called a nightmare, we are for a moment standing in the shadows at Golgotha gazing upon the disfigured person of a man called Jesus hanging on a cross. A man who in His death, is rumored to have brought life to all mankind. A man who is rumored to have saved all who confess Him as Lord. A man who ushered in a New Covenant and freed us all from the law set forth by God. And then, we find out the rumor is no longer a rumor, but the Truth, the Life, and the Way. 

I've been awakened to God's call for me as His daughter to stop camping in the desert. To leave the desert camp and head confidently and boldly for His mountain. To rest in His presence. So He can raise me up. 

"You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned." The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear." But you have come to Mt. Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God!!!! You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in JOYFUL assembly, the the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel." *Hebrews 12:18-24  

I'm smiling. :) What glorious news. :)

If you are worried about being able to make the trek up the mountain, please don't be. He's ok with small steps. He's ok with rests. *Psalm 23:2 His backpack is light. *Matthew 11:30 No need to be afraid of the height. Dwelling with Him up on the mountain isn't scary, it's simply clearer perspective up there. And before you know it, you'll be bounding up the side of the mountain like a deer. (Speaking of which, I'll be happy when I look more like a deer when I'm running...instead of a lumbering bear...)

Take a rest right now and reflect on these words from the godly Charles Spurgeon on reaching new heights:

Rouse thee, O believer, from thy low condition! Cast away thy sloth, thy lethargy, thy coldness, or whatever interferes with thy chaste and pure love to Christ, thy soul’s Husband. Make him the source, the centre, and the circumference of all thy soul’s range of delight. What enchants thee into such folly as to remain in a pit when thou mayst sit on a throne? Live not in the lowlands of bondage now that mountain liberty is conferred upon thee. Rest no longer satisfied with thy dwarfish attainments, but press forward to things more sublime and heavenly. Aspire to a higher, a nobler, a fuller life. Upward to heaven! Nearer to God!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." *Hebrews 12: 1-3

Please throw off your weights and join me on the mountain?! I'll cheer you on and you can cheer me on right back! Let's rise above the pain, mundane, suffering, and hurts of this life by fellowshipping with Him on His mountain. Let's stand up and watch Him destroy the enemies before us in miraculous ways as He did for Gideon. Let's let Him stretch us and grow us on the mountaintop to glorify Himself. Fix your eyes on Jesus. He made the way for you to come to the mountain. It's not a dream. He's alive!!  

I'll be seeing you around the mountain when I come. I'll be comin' around the mountain until He comes. (I might be holding onto the rope, but I'll still be comin'...) He'll be riding a white horse when He comes.

Jules